1
00:00:01,183 --> 00:00:04,185
# [ Pop ]
2
00:00:05,687 --> 00:00:111,007
[ Children Chattering, Laughing ]
3
00:00:15,647 --> 00:00:19,768
[ Woman ]
# It doesn't matter who you are #
4
00:00:19,836 --> 00:00:22,420
# I wish upon a shooting star #
5
00:00:22,488 --> 00:00:24,723
# That you will be the one #
6
00:00:24,790 --> 00:00:27,225
# Who comes to rescue me #
7
00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:31,363
[ Woman Narrating ] "I love you"-- the
most powerful phrase we utter as humans.
8
00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:33,698
We hear it
at every stage of life,
9
00:00:33,766 --> 00:00:36,301
and it always turns us
into kids again--
10
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:40,538
wild, playful and with limited
control of our bodily functions.
11
00:00:40,606 --> 00:00:44,108
Love is a many splendored thing.
Love conquers all.
12
00:00:44,176 --> 00:00:47,178
Love is eternal until it ends.
- He'll love it.
13
00:00:47,246 --> 00:00:50,915
And that is where I come in.
14
00:00:50,983 --> 00:00:56,204
Being in love is the bestest, even
better than recess. I love love.
15
00:00:56,272 --> 00:01:00,041
My parents said they found love in the
back of a car and it helped create me.
16
00:01:04,313 --> 00:01:09,301
Hi, Tyler. You look, like,
hotter than Zach Morris today.
17
00:01:09,368 --> 00:01:12,136
I made you this.
18
00:01:12,204 --> 00:01:14,889
Wow, Britney. Thanks.
19
00:01:16,625 --> 00:01:20,111
I'm dumping you.
Heard you got cooties.
20
00:01:22,815 --> 00:01:25,433
[ Chanting ]
Britney has cooties!
21
00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:29,337
Britney has cooties!
Britney has cooties!
22
00:01:29,372 --> 00:01:33,008
Nuh-uh. I was gonna dump him anyways.
Britney has cooties!
23
00:01:33,075 --> 00:01:36,994
Britney has cooties!
Britney has cooties!
24
00:01:37,062 --> 00:01:39,431
Britney has cooties!
25
00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:43,285
Um, sorry.
It's really catchy.
26
00:01:44,553 --> 00:01:46,654
Love blows!
27
00:01:56,081 --> 00:01:58,967
Love... blows.
28
00:02:00,769 --> 00:02:05,273
You're a great person, but this
relationship just isn't working out.
29
00:02:06,442 --> 00:02:09,677
It's time to move on...
for you,
30
00:02:09,745 --> 00:02:13,114
for me, for us.
31
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:18,536
[ Sobs ]
Sweetie, don't cry. This isn't good-bye.
32
00:02:18,604 --> 00:02:21,939
Okay? It's hello--
hello to a new friendship.
33
00:02:23,842 --> 00:02:26,311
Wait. Who are you again?
34
00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:29,538
I'm Britney. Your ex-boyfriend,
Sean, hired me to dump you.
35
00:02:29,539 --> 00:02:30,381
[ Sobs ]
Oh, no.
36
00:02:30,449 --> 00:02:34,018
It's nothing personal.
It's-- It's what I do.
37
00:02:34,086 --> 00:02:36,187
I'm Britney Brooks,
the break-up artist.
38
00:02:37,589 --> 00:02:40,591
But seriously, I mean, you
met him on a reality TV show.
39
00:02:40,659 --> 00:02:42,660
You were doomed from day one.
40
00:02:42,728 --> 00:02:45,513
[ Crying ]
41
00:02:48,584 --> 00:02:50,652
[ Woman ]
So how'd it go?
42
00:02:50,719 --> 00:02:54,539
She was a stage-three crier, Robyn. I
think I got tear stains on my Manolos.
43
00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:58,426
Ohh. Okay, your next client's
name is Linda.
44
00:02:58,494 --> 00:03:00,160
She needs to break
up with her boyfriend.
45
00:03:00,161 --> 00:03:02,580
She can't stand being
in the same room with him.
46
00:03:02,648 --> 00:03:06,918
Gary's just--
He's full of hot air.
47
00:03:06,985 --> 00:03:09,587
He's a liar, huh?
48
00:03:09,655 --> 00:03:13,174
No, no. He farts a lot,
and it's nasty.
49
00:03:13,241 --> 00:03:14,943
Oh.
50
00:03:15,011 --> 00:03:20,181
Wow. I mean, that was just
so clear and concise.
51
00:03:20,249 --> 00:03:22,384
Even I want to break up
with me now.
52
00:03:22,451 --> 00:03:25,353
Here. Um--
53
00:03:25,420 --> 00:03:28,573
On the back
is Dr. Stein's number.
54
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:32,109
[ Whispering ]
He's a gastroenterologist.
55
00:03:32,177 --> 00:03:36,080
Why would I need a stomach doctor?
[ Farts ]
56
00:03:36,148 --> 00:03:39,234
[ Woman Sobbing ]
57
00:03:39,301 --> 00:03:41,853
With your mother?
58
00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:47,255
We're gonna need something
with sprinkles, stat.
59
00:03:47,256 --> 00:03:47,626
Okay.
60
00:03:47,693 --> 00:03:50,962
Look, Marissa,
I know that it hurts,
61
00:03:51,029 --> 00:03:53,431
but that's what
I'm here for, okay?
62
00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:55,733
Men think all their past
discrepancies will be forgiven...
63
00:03:55,801 --> 00:03:58,135
with fresh roses
or chocolate nougats.
64
00:03:58,203 --> 00:04:02,273
I like nougat.
- No! That's your emotion talking.
65
00:04:02,341 --> 00:04:04,558
All right.
- Here's what you need to do.
66
00:04:04,626 --> 00:04:08,079
First, you need to get through the five
emotional stages of post breakup-dom.
67
00:04:08,146 --> 00:04:09,349
Stage one is denial.
68
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:11,816
He can't break up
with me because I rock.
69
00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:12,706
Then anger.
70
00:04:12,707 --> 00:04:15,770
That fool, how dare
he deny my rockiness.
71
00:04:15,837 --> 00:04:18,172
Next is bargaining.
72
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:22,310
Well, you know, maybe if I
did more when we have sex,
73
00:04:22,377 --> 00:04:24,478
he'd realize I rock.
74
00:04:24,546 --> 00:04:26,313
Then depression.
75
00:04:26,381 --> 00:04:29,583
[ Sniffles ]
Maybe I don't rock.
76
00:04:29,651 --> 00:04:31,669
And finally, acceptance.
77
00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:35,440
Screw him. I do rock.
78
00:04:36,992 --> 00:04:42,330
Wow. I've never seen someone go
through all the five stages so quickly.
79
00:04:42,398 --> 00:04:44,766
Honey, you're gonna
be fine.
80
00:04:47,202 --> 00:04:49,169
With my mother!
81
00:04:49,237 --> 00:04:51,505
[ Sobbing ]
82
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,629
[ Phone Rings ]
83
00:04:57,696 --> 00:05:00,047
[ Woman ]
Splitzville, Incorporated.
84
00:05:00,115 --> 00:05:02,116
When you're done kissing him,
we'll start dissing him.
85
00:05:02,184 --> 00:05:06,954
This is Tiffany.
How can I help? Yes.
86
00:05:07,022 --> 00:05:11,959
And we're also running a weekly special on
our "It's not you, it's me" break-up motif.
87
00:05:12,027 --> 00:05:15,880
Never ever wear silk to a break-up meeting,
especially when frosting is involved.
88
00:05:15,947 --> 00:05:18,215
Clients looking to end it all
are unpredictable.
89
00:05:18,283 --> 00:05:21,018
I mean, they're actually
thinking with their heart.
90
00:05:21,086 --> 00:05:22,971
What's wrong with that?
91
00:05:23,038 --> 00:05:26,240
The heart is a "special ed"
organ. It's not supposed to think.
92
00:05:26,308 --> 00:05:29,810
And when you use something for the
wrong purpose, it usually breaks.
93
00:05:29,878 --> 00:05:33,631
Ooh! Air kisses.
- Ashes.
94
00:05:33,699 --> 00:05:36,984
Come on, Brit.
Ashley is your sister.
95
00:05:37,052 --> 00:05:40,739
By blood only.
She's a spoiled, shallow brat...
96
00:05:40,806 --> 00:05:43,591
with the metabolism
of a frickin' Russian gymnast.
97
00:05:43,659 --> 00:05:47,328
I mean, her MySpace occupation
is "professional hottie."
98
00:05:47,395 --> 00:05:49,213
[ Gasps ]
99
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,451
Oh.
[ Giggles ]
100
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:57,122
Oh, hey, Brit. We're going
clubbing tonight.
101
00:05:57,189 --> 00:06:01,175
If you stop giving off that
Ellen vibe, you can come.
102
00:06:01,243 --> 00:06:03,394
Why bother?
103
00:06:03,462 --> 00:06:06,214
Ninety-nine percent of all relationships
end with someone being dumped.
104
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:09,967
And of the one percent who actually
get married, 50% end up divorced.
105
00:06:10,035 --> 00:06:13,137
You have a half a hundredth percent
chance of being in a loving relationship.
106
00:06:13,205 --> 00:06:14,822
[ Laughs ]
107
00:06:14,890 --> 00:06:19,410
Oh. Forgot. This is my boyfriend, Mike.
- Hi.
108
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:22,546
Ash's new B.F., huh?
109
00:06:22,614 --> 00:06:27,051
Let me guess-- a plastic surgeon,
lawyer, movie producer?
110
00:06:27,119 --> 00:06:30,872
No, I teach art to disadvantaged
kids at the Y.M.C.A.
111
00:06:30,939 --> 00:06:33,658
Actually, you know what? I just
entered my kids in a mural contest.
112
00:06:33,725 --> 00:06:36,844
The winner gets 250 grand,
which would fund us for a year.
113
00:06:36,912 --> 00:06:40,581
So, if you guys ever have any
interest in coming to help us paint--
114
00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:45,553
Mm-mmm.
- She's so cute, isn't she?
115
00:06:45,621 --> 00:06:47,421
Are you gonna come
club with us, Mike?
116
00:06:47,489 --> 00:06:49,423
No, I'm just here
to drop Ashley off.
117
00:06:49,491 --> 00:06:51,526
I'm not actually
allowed to dance...
118
00:06:51,593 --> 00:06:54,762
because of a medical condition
known as being Caucasian.
119
00:06:56,581 --> 00:06:58,415
I've gotta go, sweetheart.
120
00:07:00,418 --> 00:07:04,922
I miss you already.
Um, bye.
121
00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:07,841
Really nice to meet
you guys. See ya.
122
00:07:07,909 --> 00:07:11,262
Wow, Ash, not bad. This one
actually casts a shadow.
123
00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:14,332
You'll be sick of him
by Friday.
124
00:07:14,399 --> 00:07:18,336
You're just jealous 'cause a man in
my life doesn't require batteries.
125
00:07:18,403 --> 00:07:21,639
Just once. Come out with us.
126
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:26,693
- I ended a lot of relationships today.
- [ Imitating Puppy Whimpering ]
127
00:07:29,265 --> 00:07:30,898
Fine.
128
00:07:30,966 --> 00:07:34,418
# [ Hip-hop ]
129
00:07:34,486 --> 00:07:37,772
[ People Chattering ]
130
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:45,062
Uh, you're giving off the "I'm
not into dudes" vibe again, honey.
131
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:49,951
No, it's the "I just paid 11
bucks for a vodka cranberry" vibe.
132
00:07:52,171 --> 00:07:56,707
Brit, these guys are from that new
MTV show I was telling you about.
133
00:07:56,775 --> 00:07:59,710
They're rich and available.
[ Laughs ]
134
00:07:59,778 --> 00:08:04,666
Before you begin, you should know that I don't
find either of you the least bit attractive.
135
00:08:07,368 --> 00:08:10,071
Oh. Okay, that was rude.
136
00:08:10,138 --> 00:08:15,309
No, that was honest. Rude is trying to set
someone up who doesn't want to be set up.
137
00:08:15,376 --> 00:08:19,097
Come on. Come, come.
138
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:25,052
# [ Hip-hop Continues ]
139
00:08:28,389 --> 00:08:32,526
Um, these guys aren't
drunk enough to hit on Brit.
140
00:08:33,996 --> 00:08:36,363
Let's scare her up
a man.
141
00:08:40,902 --> 00:08:44,121
Chick dancing, guys? No.
I'm not--
142
00:08:47,025 --> 00:08:49,443
Hey, you're hot.
143
00:08:50,528 --> 00:08:53,397
Have I seen you
someplace before?
144
00:08:53,465 --> 00:08:57,234
Yeah. Yeah, you have.
145
00:08:57,302 --> 00:08:59,804
- That's why I don't go there anymore.
- Yeah, totally!
146
00:08:59,871 --> 00:09:02,006
Yeah.
147
00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:04,992
Hey, where are you going?
Don't be so picky.
148
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:11,549
Stupid guys.
Stupid $11 drinks.
149
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:15,853
Hi. I'm looking
for Britney Brooks.
150
00:09:15,921 --> 00:09:20,207
Look, the rumors are false. I'm not
looking for The L Word type action.
151
00:09:20,275 --> 00:09:24,928
I'm so sorry it's late.
It's just-- It's my boyfriend. I--
152
00:09:24,996 --> 00:09:27,632
It's okay. Come on in.
153
00:09:27,699 --> 00:09:31,185
I'm a convenience store--
always open.
154
00:09:31,253 --> 00:09:33,320
Rick is just
the most amazing guy.
155
00:09:33,388 --> 00:09:36,507
I mean, he's so kind
and caring and sensitive.
156
00:09:36,574 --> 00:09:41,612
And his body,
it's just sick!
157
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,998
I mean, he does yoga.
158
00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:48,486
His Downward Dog, it's just--
it's just legendary.
159
00:09:48,553 --> 00:09:53,024
I mean, I'm treating him like
dirt right now, like icky dirt,
160
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:57,561
not like that fancy, nutrient-rich
dirt that they sell at Home Depot.
161
00:09:57,630 --> 00:10:00,981
[ Stammering, Crying ]
162
00:10:02,551 --> 00:10:05,753
Can't I just break up
with him in person?
163
00:10:05,820 --> 00:10:09,389
It's a bad idea. Look, men
are genetically programmed...
164
00:10:09,457 --> 00:10:13,728
with an ability to convince us that they can
change when we're just about to dump them,
165
00:10:13,795 --> 00:10:18,248
that the second chance will be different
than the 12 others we've given them.
166
00:10:18,316 --> 00:10:21,168
Listen. As an independent
third party,
167
00:10:21,236 --> 00:10:26,490
I will be completely immune to all
his charms, pleas and pathetic cries.
168
00:10:26,558 --> 00:10:28,525
I'm the break-up artist.
It's what I do.
169
00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:32,196
Thank you.
170
00:10:39,171 --> 00:10:41,438
[ Sighs ]
How do you handle this business?
171
00:10:41,506 --> 00:10:45,642
I mean, it's gotta be so depressing
dealing with everyone else's misery all day.
172
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:50,647
Strong humans like me have a duty to
help people who actually believe in love,
173
00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:54,585
the ones who make tissue
and Prozac a necessity.
174
00:10:59,324 --> 00:11:01,558
Plus, I never take
my work home with me.
175
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,034
[ Pulls Switch ]
176
00:11:27,102 --> 00:11:29,237
[ TV Turns On ]
177
00:11:29,304 --> 00:11:32,839
You couldn't be anything else?
- Oh, you'll see.
178
00:11:32,907 --> 00:11:34,558
I'll be back before you know it.
- I hope so.
179
00:11:34,626 --> 00:11:38,679
Oh, my love, I shall miss you
every moment when you're gone.
180
00:11:40,415 --> 00:11:42,483
I love you, sweetheart.
181
00:11:42,551 --> 00:11:45,453
[ Man ] Hey, come on.
All aboard if you wanna get there.
182
00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:54,528
[ Gasps ]
Thank God you're here.
183
00:11:54,595 --> 00:11:56,713
We thought you left with
one of those creepy club guys.
184
00:11:56,781 --> 00:11:59,583
I even watched the news this morning
to see if they found your dead body.
185
00:11:59,651 --> 00:12:04,554
Your 1:00 just canceled. They said
they found another break-up service.
186
00:12:04,622 --> 00:12:08,225
Probably another freelance dumper.
They never last.
187
00:12:08,293 --> 00:12:11,261
You don't mess with the best,
and that's Britney Brooks.
188
00:12:12,464 --> 00:12:16,300
She always talks about herself
in the third person.
189
00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:18,302
Tiffany hates that.
190
00:12:44,379 --> 00:12:46,981
Uh, excuse me.
I'm waiting for someone.
191
00:12:47,048 --> 00:12:49,750
Rick, right? Britney.
192
00:12:49,818 --> 00:12:52,652
Look, uh, Sally,
193
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:56,039
she thinks you're a great
guy and she loves you,
194
00:12:56,107 --> 00:13:00,010
but, well, she's just
not in love with you.
195
00:13:00,078 --> 00:13:03,647
So, that's why she's
breaking up with you.
196
00:13:03,715 --> 00:13:06,833
Uh--
- It's not you. It's her.
197
00:13:09,337 --> 00:13:12,339
No, it's-- it's me.
198
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:18,011
I should have treated
her better.
199
00:13:18,079 --> 00:13:21,382
The truth is, I never really felt
that spark with her, you know.
200
00:13:21,450 --> 00:13:24,434
I guess that's why I've been spending
so much time focusing on work recently.
201
00:13:24,502 --> 00:13:27,071
I run this dating
Web site called E-Mate.
202
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:31,792
E-Mate. Yeah, I know you guys.
You keep me in business.
203
00:13:31,860 --> 00:13:36,013
[ Chuckles ]
Sally really is amazing.
204
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:38,082
It's probably why
I couldn't let her go...
205
00:13:38,149 --> 00:13:40,017
even though I knew
she wasn't the one for me.
206
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:44,221
She's the first girl who ever
really made me believe in love.
207
00:13:44,288 --> 00:13:48,392
Yeah, well, we all believe in
stupid things every now and then.
208
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:51,929
Santa Claus, wrinkle cream,
zero-calorie Coke.
209
00:13:51,996 --> 00:13:54,498
[ Chuckles ]
210
00:13:54,566 --> 00:13:58,202
Look, you're gonna
be fine, okay?
211
00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:01,822
Pain is temporary.
People get dumped every day.
212
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,727
By the way, um--
213
00:14:09,063 --> 00:14:10,814
Love your outfit.
214
00:14:10,882 --> 00:14:14,151
Chartreuse is the perfect color
for your skin complexion.
215
00:14:14,219 --> 00:14:16,537
Thank you.
216
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:18,772
Um, look,
217
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:22,142
here's, uh--
here's my card.
218
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:25,462
And, uh, it was really nice
to meet you.
219
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:52,522
Stage-four crier?
220
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:55,092
No, not at all. I--
221
00:14:55,159 --> 00:14:57,828
I've seen all sorts
of reactions from dumpees--
222
00:14:57,896 --> 00:15:02,432
fear, confusion,
throwing things, begging--
223
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:05,268
but never anything
like this.
224
00:15:05,336 --> 00:15:08,405
He actually said
it was his fault.
225
00:15:08,473 --> 00:15:10,674
[ Laughs ]
226
00:15:10,742 --> 00:15:13,711
But he's a guy. Men never
admit to their own mistakes.
227
00:15:13,778 --> 00:15:17,881
I know. I mean, okay, let's say
hypothetically love does exist.
228
00:15:17,949 --> 00:15:21,819
Why kind of a girl would take
a guy like Rick for granted?
229
00:15:21,886 --> 00:15:26,741
Ugly nose. Fake boobs.
230
00:15:26,808 --> 00:15:28,743
Eating disorder.
231
00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:32,145
He needs to get
an eating disorder.
232
00:15:33,431 --> 00:15:35,365
Hey, Brit-Brit.
233
00:15:35,433 --> 00:15:38,118
Can you call
before you come?
234
00:15:38,185 --> 00:15:41,722
I don't have room on my speed dial.
[ Scoffs ]
235
00:15:41,790 --> 00:15:46,777
So, I forgot to tell Allan I'm leaving him
for Mike. You need to dump him for me.
236
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:50,047
I'm supposed to meet him at
Aura in 20 minutes. Better hurry.
237
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:51,998
Laters.
238
00:15:54,001 --> 00:15:57,404
[ Whistles ] Brit, we had
two more cancellations today.
239
00:15:57,472 --> 00:16:00,391
They both say this other new
break-up service was cheaper.
240
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,859
Should we be worried?
241
00:16:02,927 --> 00:16:06,614
Also found this message
on your desk, Brit.
242
00:16:06,681 --> 00:16:08,794
TiVo His Girl Friday
with Cary Grant--
243
00:16:08,795 --> 00:16:09,483
Uh-uh-uh.
244
00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:11,852
[ Laughs ]
245
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,788
[ Clears Throat ]
246
00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:21,294
Um, you two go take care of
Ashley's latest man-tard now.
247
00:16:21,362 --> 00:16:23,530
Go. Go, go, go, go!
248
00:16:30,037 --> 00:16:33,357
I, uh, just wanted
to thank you.
249
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:35,893
Oh.
- I really appreciate what you do.
250
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:40,164
If Sally and I had broken up face-to-face,
there would have been crying and screaming...
251
00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:44,201
and curling up in the fetal position,
and nobody needs to see that.
252
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:47,504
It's no worries.
I'm a people person, so--
253
00:16:47,572 --> 00:16:50,423
Listen, I know this
is gonna sound forward,
254
00:16:50,491 --> 00:16:54,194
but, uh, I'm not a guy who
sits and mopes after a break-up.
255
00:16:54,262 --> 00:16:56,797
Would you join me
for dinner tonight?
256
00:16:58,499 --> 00:17:00,701
Uh--
257
00:17:00,768 --> 00:17:06,206
Oh, uh, company policy
outlaws dating dumpees.
258
00:17:08,509 --> 00:17:12,829
Wow. That so did not go
like I planned.
259
00:17:12,897 --> 00:17:16,033
[ Chuckles ]
Uh, I'm sorry.
260
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:20,204
It's just, uh, you know,
when I saw you--
261
00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:22,273
Obviously,
you're beautiful.
262
00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:24,108
And I guess I'm just
old school.
263
00:17:24,175 --> 00:17:27,260
When I see someone I like,
I just charge full-speed ahead.
264
00:17:27,328 --> 00:17:31,531
It always seemed to work for my hero,
Cary Grant, and that's why I'm here.
265
00:17:34,035 --> 00:17:36,537
You okay?
[ Panting ]
266
00:17:39,474 --> 00:17:41,459
[ Sighs ]
267
00:17:41,526 --> 00:17:44,928
- [ Body Thuds ]
- Uh--
268
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:51,084
Damn, Gary.
Rough times.
269
00:17:51,152 --> 00:17:53,521
But Lindsay really
enjoyed her time with you.
270
00:17:53,588 --> 00:17:57,625
And, you know,
it's not you.
271
00:17:58,893 --> 00:18:00,894
No, actually, it is you.
272
00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:07,268
[ Farts ]
273
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:09,503
[ Farts ]
274
00:18:09,570 --> 00:18:12,156
When Britney said you were
so ugly even Bill Clinton...
275
00:18:12,223 --> 00:18:15,125
wouldn't sleep with you,
she was just breaking the ice.
276
00:18:15,193 --> 00:18:20,147
She said, "Save your breath because you'll
need it to blow up your next girlfriend"?
277
00:18:20,214 --> 00:18:23,717
No. No, no, I am not laughing, sir.
It's just--
278
00:18:23,785 --> 00:18:25,920
Come on. It is funny.
279
00:18:25,987 --> 00:18:28,355
Hello? Hello, sir?
280
00:18:29,891 --> 00:18:32,042
What the hell, Brit?
281
00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:35,529
You're supposed to be a quick
and merciless ninja love assassin.
282
00:18:35,597 --> 00:18:38,398
Instead, you're Dr. Phil-ing
everyone's relationships.
283
00:18:38,466 --> 00:18:41,018
Relax. I'm on top of it.
284
00:18:41,085 --> 00:18:44,321
This other break-up service is
stealing our clients and, well,
285
00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:48,658
business is slower than
Tiffany taking the S.A.T.'s.
286
00:18:48,726 --> 00:18:51,728
Hey. Sometimes things
can be true and false.
287
00:18:51,796 --> 00:18:54,731
- Plus, these bills are just starting to--
- Hold that thought, okay?
288
00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:58,235
What? No, I'm sorry.
I'll be there in five.
289
00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,936
I'll see you guys tomorrow.
290
00:19:06,828 --> 00:19:11,131
I asked if I could use the bathroom an
hour ago. I'm still holding that thought.
291
00:19:11,199 --> 00:19:13,517
Go pee, sweetie.
292
00:19:21,792 --> 00:19:24,228
We even owe
the Arrowhead water guy.
293
00:19:24,295 --> 00:19:27,064
Ohh. Hi!
294
00:19:27,131 --> 00:19:30,401
Are you stuck in a bad relationship
that you want to get out of?
295
00:19:30,468 --> 00:19:34,671
Yes. For 27 years. But that's not
why I'm here. [ Clears Throat ]
296
00:19:34,739 --> 00:19:39,893
I'm Bob Green. I'm Britney's account
manager at Second Pacific Bank.
297
00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:43,170
I'm here regarding her
last few mortgage payments.
298
00:19:43,171 --> 00:19:44,114
What about them?
299
00:19:44,181 --> 00:19:47,384
She hasn't made any.
300
00:19:52,023 --> 00:19:56,259
Rick? Hello?
301
00:20:04,019 --> 00:20:07,003
I never believed in love
at first sight...
302
00:20:07,071 --> 00:20:08,788
until I saw you.
303
00:20:10,925 --> 00:20:16,230
You deserve that storybook movie
romance that you've always wanted,
304
00:20:16,297 --> 00:20:18,698
and I want to be
your leading man.
305
00:20:18,766 --> 00:20:23,921
I know I came on too strong,
but I can't help it.
306
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:29,209
There's just something
about you, Britney Brooks.
307
00:20:29,276 --> 00:20:31,544
I wish I could quit you.
308
00:20:32,380 --> 00:20:35,833
No, don't quit me.
309
00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:48,879
[ Seagulls Squawking ]
[ Water Lapping ]
310
00:20:57,421 --> 00:21:01,224
# [ Piano: Romantic ]
311
00:21:02,977 --> 00:21:05,211
[ Bird Screeching ]
[ Needles Scratches Record ]
312
00:21:19,944 --> 00:21:22,128
[ Gags ]
313
00:21:23,698 --> 00:21:27,233
Let's make
our own romantic movie.
314
00:21:34,892 --> 00:21:37,227
[ Clears Throat ]
315
00:21:43,735 --> 00:21:46,370
Wait. I think I have
onion breath.
316
00:21:46,438 --> 00:21:49,540
Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a damn.
317
00:22:11,262 --> 00:22:15,031
[ Children Laughing ]
318
00:22:25,827 --> 00:22:28,795
- Britney? Britney Brooks?
- Hmm?
319
00:22:28,863 --> 00:22:32,232
Sorry. Chuck Charleston.
I work with Rick.
320
00:22:32,300 --> 00:22:35,035
Oh.
- He has pictures of you everywhere...
321
00:22:35,103 --> 00:22:37,287
and I just totally recognized you.
322
00:22:37,354 --> 00:22:40,273
No way. I'm actually
meeting him here. Sit.
323
00:22:40,341 --> 00:22:42,693
- Oh, thank you.
- [ Laughs ]
324
00:22:42,761 --> 00:22:48,381
Oh, Rick raves about you, about how
close you've become in such a short time.
325
00:22:48,449 --> 00:22:50,800
Yeah.
326
00:22:50,868 --> 00:22:52,969
And it scares him.
327
00:22:53,037 --> 00:22:56,273
That's why he feels it's best
to just nip it in the bud now.
328
00:22:56,340 --> 00:23:00,194
What? Uh-- I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
329
00:23:00,261 --> 00:23:04,565
Why, uh-- Why would he
tell you and not--
330
00:23:04,632 --> 00:23:06,567
Yeah.
331
00:23:06,634 --> 00:23:08,868
Yeah.
332
00:23:08,936 --> 00:23:11,588
Are you breaking up with me?
333
00:23:11,656 --> 00:23:14,841
Well, it's nothing personal.
It's what I do.
334
00:23:14,909 --> 00:23:18,297
Chuck Charleston,
break-up specialist. No?
335
00:23:18,298 --> 00:23:18,612
Okay.
336
00:23:18,613 --> 00:23:22,265
You used the "nip it
in the bud" speech?
337
00:23:22,333 --> 00:23:25,135
That's mine. I invented it.
It is copy--
338
00:23:25,202 --> 00:23:27,354
You are in a lot
of trouble, mister.
339
00:23:27,422 --> 00:23:29,973
Wait. Look, it's not him.
It's--
340
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,376
No, wait. It's not him--
[ Yelps ]
341
00:23:33,444 --> 00:23:35,128
Careful!
342
00:23:36,531 --> 00:23:39,416
That's pumpernickel!
[ Gasps ]
343
00:23:39,484 --> 00:23:42,202
All right. Beat it, chuckles.
344
00:23:44,205 --> 00:23:46,473
Evidence. Evidence.
345
00:23:48,409 --> 00:23:52,545
Sorry about that, Brit.
Chuck's just a trainee in our business.
346
00:23:52,613 --> 00:23:54,297
Our business?
347
00:23:54,365 --> 00:23:57,017
Yeah.
348
00:24:00,070 --> 00:24:03,139
You're the other
break-up service?
349
00:24:04,358 --> 00:24:07,010
You pretended to like me?
350
00:24:07,078 --> 00:24:10,647
Whoa, whoa. I was just doing market research,
all right, checking out my competition.
351
00:24:10,715 --> 00:24:12,599
I couldn't know
that you'd fall for me.
352
00:24:12,667 --> 00:24:17,187
Besides, I was told you were this
emotionally tough businesswoman and, well,
353
00:24:17,255 --> 00:24:19,522
possibly not even into dudes.
354
00:24:19,590 --> 00:24:21,508
Anyway, Brooksy,
here's the deal.
355
00:24:21,576 --> 00:24:24,494
Love is the one thing in this
world that people will always need.
356
00:24:24,562 --> 00:24:28,231
E-Mate brings 'em together,
and E-Dump pulls them apart.
357
00:24:28,299 --> 00:24:31,835
I control both ends of love's production.
It's capitalism at its finest.
358
00:24:31,903 --> 00:24:34,454
You're Microsoft-ing
break-ups?
359
00:24:34,522 --> 00:24:36,723
Britney, I'm sorry.
360
00:24:36,791 --> 00:24:40,627
It's just business.
I never meant to hurt you.
361
00:24:40,694 --> 00:24:43,279
That's my line too,
you hack!
362
00:24:45,065 --> 00:24:47,767
[ Clears Throat ]
Hmph.
363
00:24:47,835 --> 00:24:52,556
It's okay. You've been in this
situation before, just on the other side.
364
00:24:52,623 --> 00:24:57,344
Compose yourself and leave with dignity.
Hmm. Hmm.
365
00:25:09,306 --> 00:25:12,075
Loser.
366
00:25:15,747 --> 00:25:18,298
You know, for years
I told my dumpees...
367
00:25:18,366 --> 00:25:21,351
that life goes on
and it'll all be okay,
368
00:25:21,419 --> 00:25:24,254
but now I realize there aren't
plenty of other fish in the sea.
369
00:25:24,321 --> 00:25:26,423
Nope. All the good fish
have been caught.
370
00:25:26,491 --> 00:25:30,727
The ones left swimming have been
tossed back in by someone else.
371
00:25:30,795 --> 00:25:33,746
Come on.
[ Groans ]
372
00:25:40,888 --> 00:25:43,589
# [ Soft Rock ]
373
00:25:43,658 --> 00:25:45,892
Oh, I love this song.
374
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,161
Turn it off!
- Oh.
375
00:25:48,228 --> 00:25:52,431
# [ Stops ]
God, I am so done with Rick.
376
00:25:52,499 --> 00:25:56,370
He's a lying, immature,
scummy, two-faced--
377
00:25:56,437 --> 00:25:59,389
Do you think, if I lost
10 pounds, he'd take me back?
378
00:25:59,457 --> 00:26:01,558
[ Groans ]
379
00:26:01,709 --> 00:26:03,910
Oh.
380
00:26:03,978 --> 00:26:06,379
We need to tell her
about the mortgage.
381
00:26:06,446 --> 00:26:11,034
Not while she's in a serial stage.
It'll kill her.
382
00:26:12,886 --> 00:26:14,887
Air kisses all.
383
00:26:18,092 --> 00:26:22,328
You need to dump Mike for me.
Turns out he's not rich.
384
00:26:22,396 --> 00:26:26,099
He's got all these expensive-looking
paintings in his place,
385
00:26:26,167 --> 00:26:28,834
but he, like,
drew them himself.
386
00:26:28,902 --> 00:26:31,804
Ah, the nerve!
387
00:26:31,872 --> 00:26:37,310
Britney needs a break right now, Ash.
She's taking things one day at a time.
388
00:26:37,378 --> 00:26:40,113
No, no.
389
00:26:40,181 --> 00:26:44,784
If one more person tells me to
take things one day at a time, I'm--
390
00:26:44,852 --> 00:26:46,519
I'm gonna start taking things
two days at a time.
391
00:26:46,587 --> 00:26:49,923
Yeah. I'm gonna jump
from Monday to Thursday.
392
00:26:49,991 --> 00:26:52,893
If Rick wants a break-up
battle, he's gonna get one.
393
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:55,762
You do not mess
with the master.
394
00:27:02,252 --> 00:27:03,954
[ Clears Throat ]
395
00:27:04,022 --> 00:27:06,790
Mmm.
396
00:27:06,858 --> 00:27:10,827
Britney, hey. It's really great to
see you. What are you doing here?
397
00:27:10,895 --> 00:27:12,779
Mike, Ashley is--
398
00:27:12,846 --> 00:27:17,183
Amazing. I know, I know.
She's like my own personal angel.
399
00:27:17,251 --> 00:27:20,953
[ Scoffs ]
Ashley, an angel?
400
00:27:21,021 --> 00:27:24,157
She may be the Antichrist.
I have priests looking into it.
401
00:27:24,225 --> 00:27:26,459
You have really
incredible eyes.
402
00:27:26,527 --> 00:27:30,914
You and Ashley, you both have
these just amazing, piercing eyes.
403
00:27:30,981 --> 00:27:32,916
Every time she looks at me,
it's like, she's just--
404
00:27:32,983 --> 00:27:37,254
you know, peeling back
the layers of my soul.
405
00:27:39,323 --> 00:27:41,091
Ashley's breaking up with you.
406
00:27:44,661 --> 00:27:46,596
What?
407
00:27:46,663 --> 00:27:49,099
Yeah, it's, uh--
it's what she does.
408
00:27:49,166 --> 00:27:53,019
I'm sorry, but it's over.
409
00:27:53,086 --> 00:27:55,888
Wait a minute.
Wait a--
410
00:27:55,956 --> 00:28:00,610
But I totally recommend the lobster
ravioli here. Get it with the Alfredo.
411
00:28:04,332 --> 00:28:07,584
[ Table Banging ]
412
00:28:07,652 --> 00:28:11,888
I should've been nicer to her.
I should've treated her better.
413
00:28:11,956 --> 00:28:15,574
Been there--
[ Sobs ]
414
00:28:15,642 --> 00:28:19,512
Do you think, if I gained
10 pounds, she'd take me back?
415
00:28:22,283 --> 00:28:25,951
Oh, no! Ashley!
416
00:28:26,019 --> 00:28:31,457
Steven, you're past due
for a dumping.
417
00:28:31,526 --> 00:28:35,128
They did?
Half the price?
418
00:28:36,497 --> 00:28:39,032
Okay. Bye.
419
00:28:39,099 --> 00:28:41,034
Rick's stupid company
is stealing...
420
00:28:41,101 --> 00:28:44,337
all our immature 20-something,
commitment-phobic males.
421
00:28:44,405 --> 00:28:47,741
I mean,
they're our meal ticket.
422
00:28:47,808 --> 00:28:50,109
Come on.
- Oh, Tiff.
423
00:28:50,177 --> 00:28:51,945
Come on.
- What are we gonna do?
424
00:28:52,013 --> 00:28:54,047
It's okay.
- We have to figure something out.
425
00:28:54,114 --> 00:28:55,999
We will.
426
00:28:58,685 --> 00:29:02,038
[ Crying ]
427
00:29:02,106 --> 00:29:04,023
He was in no condition
to drive.
428
00:29:08,296 --> 00:29:10,497
Wait a second.
429
00:29:13,300 --> 00:29:18,121
You're Ashley's sister. You know
what kind of man she wants, right?
430
00:29:18,189 --> 00:29:19,806
Listen, I will--
431
00:29:19,874 --> 00:29:22,241
I will pay you anything you
want to help me win her back.
432
00:29:22,309 --> 00:29:26,613
Okay? Anything. I've got
maybe 10 grand in my savings.
433
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,281
We'll take it!
- We'll take it!
434
00:29:28,348 --> 00:29:31,250
What?
- Yes.
435
00:29:31,318 --> 00:29:33,536
No, no. I don't get people
together, okay? I pull them apart.
436
00:29:33,604 --> 00:29:36,339
That'd be like Al Gore
selling S.U.V.s.
437
00:29:36,406 --> 00:29:38,258
Britney, but you don't understand.
Just help me, anything.
438
00:29:38,325 --> 00:29:40,593
Just tell me
what she's looking for.
439
00:29:40,661 --> 00:29:42,379
Money. Do you make a lot?
440
00:29:42,446 --> 00:29:45,648
I'm a Y.M.C.A. art teacher.
441
00:29:45,716 --> 00:29:48,451
Mm-hmm. Strike one.
Do you enjoy fine dining?
442
00:29:48,519 --> 00:29:50,353
I'm a vegan.
443
00:29:50,420 --> 00:29:54,557
Strike two. Ashley only enjoys
eating things that once had a soul.
444
00:29:54,624 --> 00:29:57,393
Do you like to travel?
445
00:29:57,461 --> 00:29:59,996
[ Snaps Fingers ]
I've been to Bakersfield once.
446
00:30:00,064 --> 00:30:03,082
[ Imitates Buzzer Sounding ]
Strike three. Sorry, can't help you.
447
00:30:03,150 --> 00:30:05,702
Please. You don't understand. Listen,
Mike, you seem like a decent guy,
448
00:30:05,769 --> 00:30:09,739
and you're oddly attractive in a "George from
Grey's Anatomy" kind of way,
449
00:30:09,807 --> 00:30:14,794
but you have the one thing that Ashley
is just not interested in: heart.
450
00:30:14,862 --> 00:30:16,779
So--
451
00:30:20,250 --> 00:30:22,034
[ Sighs ]
452
00:30:27,541 --> 00:30:29,809
The Arrowhead guy too?
453
00:30:29,876 --> 00:30:33,613
Yeah. Your last few
mortgage payments bounced.
454
00:30:33,681 --> 00:30:37,934
We're gonna have to
pay them back fast, or--
455
00:30:38,002 --> 00:30:40,236
Or I lose everything.
456
00:30:42,106 --> 00:30:45,474
This is why love blows.
Why didn't you girls stop me?
457
00:30:45,542 --> 00:30:50,262
We'll fix it, Brit.
I'll work overtime.
458
00:30:50,330 --> 00:30:54,701
And I'll give back the stapler
I took from the supply room.
459
00:31:02,543 --> 00:31:06,680
Sorry, girls,
but you've been downsized.
460
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,121
That's good.
461
00:31:23,997 --> 00:31:25,998
That's nice.
462
00:31:31,305 --> 00:31:33,239
[ Sighs ]
463
00:31:38,045 --> 00:31:41,815
Okay, guys, that's it.
See you Thursday.
464
00:31:44,084 --> 00:31:46,085
Good work.
465
00:31:55,062 --> 00:31:58,732
I knew it. I knew the power
of love would bring you back.
466
00:31:59,834 --> 00:32:04,371
Yeah, love.
Still 10 grand, right?
467
00:32:04,438 --> 00:32:06,439
Uh, yeah, sure.
468
00:32:06,507 --> 00:32:11,143
I mean, I'd pay anything to get
Ashley back. She was my muse.
469
00:32:11,211 --> 00:32:14,080
[ Laughs ]
470
00:32:14,147 --> 00:32:16,148
I'm sorry. Really.
471
00:32:18,586 --> 00:32:22,187
I painted this when I was with Ashley.
I couldn't stop painting.
472
00:32:22,255 --> 00:32:26,959
I had this artistic explosion in my
soul the entire week we were together.
473
00:32:27,027 --> 00:32:29,546
You got whipped in a week?
- And you know what?
474
00:32:29,613 --> 00:32:34,134
I even sold two of my pieces. I never
sold any of my art before I met Ashley.
475
00:32:34,201 --> 00:32:36,102
And now--
476
00:32:38,138 --> 00:32:42,408
[ Exhales ]
all I can paint is this.
477
00:32:43,593 --> 00:32:47,664
Yeah. I need Ashley back,
Britney.
478
00:32:47,731 --> 00:32:51,333
I need my muse back. These kids are expecting
me to lead them in this mural contest.
479
00:32:51,401 --> 00:32:54,537
How am I supposed to lead them
when all I can paint is this?
480
00:32:57,041 --> 00:32:59,325
That's why I'm here.
So--
481
00:32:59,392 --> 00:33:03,797
What? You're gonna help--
- Yes.
482
00:33:05,365 --> 00:33:07,300
Oh! Yes!
- No.
483
00:33:07,367 --> 00:33:10,211
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
484
00:33:10,212 --> 00:33:10,470
Okay.
485
00:33:10,538 --> 00:33:12,171
Rule number one.
- Yes?
486
00:33:12,239 --> 00:33:15,542
Do not ever hug me again.
487
00:33:15,609 --> 00:33:17,610
Oh.
- Rule number two.
488
00:33:17,678 --> 00:33:21,681
Yeah?
- What I say goes. No questions.
489
00:33:21,749 --> 00:33:24,651
Really? Even if I have a--
Sorry.
490
00:33:24,718 --> 00:33:27,119
Rule number three:
no refunds.
491
00:33:30,607 --> 00:33:33,443
Within this building lies the
hottest collection of women...
492
00:33:33,511 --> 00:33:35,912
west of an MTV Real World
casting call.
493
00:33:35,979 --> 00:33:38,965
Hold your own in here
and there's hope for us yet.
494
00:33:39,032 --> 00:33:41,901
I'm allergic to dogs,
495
00:33:41,969 --> 00:33:45,170
but I have a cat.
- Great.
496
00:33:45,238 --> 00:33:50,760
See, women like that are similar to
Ashley in hotness and lack of humanity.
497
00:33:50,827 --> 00:33:54,064
So, consider this practice--
a flirting spring training.
498
00:33:54,131 --> 00:33:56,832
Britney, I don't want her.
I want Ashley.
499
00:33:56,900 --> 00:33:59,669
Yeah, and Ashley loves
confident men--
500
00:33:59,736 --> 00:34:02,705
men with the balls
to hit on anyone anywhere.
501
00:34:02,773 --> 00:34:05,675
God, how'd you meet
my sister in the first place?
502
00:34:05,742 --> 00:34:08,878
Oh, she, uh--
She sent me a text,
503
00:34:08,946 --> 00:34:11,381
said that I was hot,
to come over.
504
00:34:11,449 --> 00:34:13,616
Adorable.
505
00:34:13,684 --> 00:34:16,352
Well, if you can't handle hitting
on a girl you don't even care about,
506
00:34:16,420 --> 00:34:20,123
how do you expect to handle being
comfortable around a girl who you love,
507
00:34:20,191 --> 00:34:22,425
a girl who's your muse?
508
00:34:31,068 --> 00:34:33,803
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
509
00:34:46,466 --> 00:34:49,419
Very nice. Maybe there
is hope for us yet.
510
00:34:49,486 --> 00:34:54,390
Well, that girl's married, but
I think she wants me to cat-sit.
511
00:34:54,458 --> 00:34:56,559
So, good?
[ Exhales ]
512
00:34:56,627 --> 00:34:56,863
Huh?
513
00:34:56,864 --> 00:35:00,463
Ashley doesn't want a guy who
menstruates more than she does.
514
00:35:00,531 --> 00:35:04,467
Get back out there and prove to me
that you actually have a "Y" chromosome.
515
00:35:13,043 --> 00:35:15,244
Oh, uh, here.
516
00:35:15,312 --> 00:35:17,347
Let me get that. Yeah?
517
00:35:17,414 --> 00:35:20,316
Yes. Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
518
00:35:20,384 --> 00:35:22,685
Say thank you, Leah.
519
00:35:22,753 --> 00:35:25,655
Uh, I'm Mike.
- Melanie.
520
00:35:25,723 --> 00:35:28,057
Nice to meet you.
- And you already met Leah.
521
00:35:28,124 --> 00:35:31,827
Give him a kiss. It's okay. It's okay.
[ Sneezes ]
522
00:35:31,895 --> 00:35:34,113
[ Groans ]
[ Leah Barks ]
523
00:35:34,180 --> 00:35:36,966
I'm so sorry. I'll get him.
Get back here.
524
00:35:37,034 --> 00:35:39,235
Leah! Come back!
525
00:35:39,302 --> 00:35:40,919
[ Sneezes ]
[ Leah Growling ]
526
00:35:40,987 --> 00:35:42,455
Leah!
527
00:35:43,657 --> 00:35:46,092
If people find out
where we're going--
528
00:35:46,159 --> 00:35:48,928
No, we're jobless, Tiff.
We need to save cash.
529
00:35:48,996 --> 00:35:53,232
[ Grunts ]
This is a necessary evil.
530
00:35:53,300 --> 00:35:56,669
But-- But an outlet store?
531
00:35:56,737 --> 00:36:00,740
I'd be buying retail--
outdated retail.
532
00:36:00,808 --> 00:36:04,927
I wasn't looking at her chest.
I was trying to read her T-shirt.
533
00:36:04,995 --> 00:36:08,147
[ Scoffs ]
Something written on her ass too!
534
00:36:13,053 --> 00:36:15,604
Excuse me, ma'am,
but your boyfriend is--
535
00:36:15,672 --> 00:36:18,040
A big, fat jerk!
536
00:36:18,108 --> 00:36:21,945
Agreed. We can make that significant
other a lot less significant.
537
00:36:22,012 --> 00:36:25,314
Hi, Sarah. I'm Rick Barnes,
president of E-Dump.
538
00:36:25,382 --> 00:36:29,067
I represent Pat, and while he apologizes
for today's unfortunate incident,
539
00:36:29,135 --> 00:36:31,637
he feels that you've got
real trust issues.
540
00:36:31,705 --> 00:36:35,658
That's why he thinks it's best for
you two to go your separate ways.
541
00:36:35,726 --> 00:36:38,344
- Are you breaking up with me?
- Yeah.
542
00:36:38,412 --> 00:36:40,112
- Yeah.
- [ Crying ]
543
00:36:40,180 --> 00:36:42,098
[ Both Sigh ]
544
00:36:42,165 --> 00:36:47,237
Dude, check out my other site-- E-Mate.
A lot of potential rebound chicks.
545
00:36:47,304 --> 00:36:49,972
Ladies.
546
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:51,991
Mm-mmm.
[ Car Door Closes ]
547
00:36:52,058 --> 00:36:56,061
Time to get our game faces on.
[ Engine Starts ]
548
00:36:59,817 --> 00:37:02,318
Oh, sorry. Wrong game.
549
00:37:02,385 --> 00:37:07,056
[ Growling ]
550
00:37:10,276 --> 00:37:12,712
He'll dump you as soon
as the credits roll!
551
00:37:17,484 --> 00:37:19,485
[ Knocking ]
552
00:37:22,990 --> 00:37:25,958
Oh, if it isn't the Matisse of mucus.
- Sorry, okay?
553
00:37:26,026 --> 00:37:30,029
I just didn't know you were gonna so quickly
throw me to the wolves-- Pomeranians.
554
00:37:30,097 --> 00:37:32,932
You and Ashley go together about
as well as socks and sandals.
555
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,101
Okay? Let it go.
556
00:37:35,168 --> 00:37:39,305
Are you kidding me? No. I need
Ashley. I love her. Okay?
557
00:37:39,373 --> 00:37:42,458
Love is an illusion created by
the founders of Valentine's Day...
558
00:37:42,526 --> 00:37:46,529
to peddle chocolates and those candy
hearts with the lame sayings on them.
559
00:37:46,596 --> 00:37:49,147
Love and 6.50
gets you a latte.
560
00:37:49,215 --> 00:37:51,901
- What does that even mean?
- Look.
561
00:37:51,968 --> 00:37:54,036
Ashley doesn't want
a romantic. Okay?
562
00:37:54,103 --> 00:37:57,573
She must have been in an appletini-induced
haze to hit on you in the first place.
563
00:37:57,641 --> 00:37:59,825
Okay, well,
you know what then?
564
00:37:59,893 --> 00:38:03,228
Help me become the man she wants.
All right? Mold me. Sculpt me.
565
00:38:03,296 --> 00:38:06,933
I will be your blank canvas so
you can create your masterpiece.
566
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:10,319
Okay, you took that metaphor
a little too far.
567
00:38:13,373 --> 00:38:15,440
Well?
568
00:38:18,094 --> 00:38:19,995
[ Exhales ]
Fine. Come on.
569
00:38:20,063 --> 00:38:22,698
- [ TV Playing ]
- Cary Grant. Gregory Peck.
570
00:38:22,766 --> 00:38:26,602
Those were real men--
men who don't exist today.
571
00:38:28,204 --> 00:38:31,407
[ Movie Playing, Indistinct ]
572
00:38:31,474 --> 00:38:34,376
I mean, you see the way
they act around girls?
573
00:38:34,444 --> 00:38:39,114
Every movement is confident and
calculated, like a figure skater,
574
00:38:39,182 --> 00:38:41,350
except they actually
like girls.
575
00:38:49,292 --> 00:38:52,077
[ Birds Chirping ]
576
00:39:13,584 --> 00:39:16,452
[ Grunts ] I didn't say
you could spend the night!
577
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,704
[ Groans ]
578
00:39:21,008 --> 00:39:23,176
I didn't. I just--
I must have fallen asleep.
579
00:39:23,243 --> 00:39:26,762
Get out! Go!
580
00:39:26,830 --> 00:39:30,232
Okay. Okay. I thought you
were gonna mold me.
581
00:39:30,300 --> 00:39:32,901
All right, that 10 grand,
I want it in cash.
582
00:39:32,969 --> 00:39:34,903
I do not accept Visa
or MasterCard.
583
00:39:34,971 --> 00:39:38,140
Yeah, okay, anything.
Just bring my muse back.
584
00:39:38,207 --> 00:39:42,211
Steven Salon. Noon today.
585
00:39:42,279 --> 00:39:44,397
First thing we need to do
is get you groomed.
586
00:39:44,464 --> 00:39:47,015
Steven Salon.
Got it. Okay.
587
00:39:48,434 --> 00:39:51,636
Promise you won't mess
with my hair too much, okay?
588
00:39:52,922 --> 00:39:55,140
Yeah?
589
00:40:03,217 --> 00:40:06,419
Ashley considers celebrity
hairstyles fine literature.
590
00:40:06,486 --> 00:40:09,555
With an Esquire cut,
she'll think you read it too.
591
00:40:09,623 --> 00:40:11,424
I look like a gigolo.
592
00:40:11,491 --> 00:40:15,027
It takes hours to look
like a rich creeper.
593
00:40:18,232 --> 00:40:20,599
[ Groans ]
I can barely breathe in this.
594
00:40:20,667 --> 00:40:23,835
Okay, you know,
this is way too tight.
595
00:40:23,903 --> 00:40:27,739
It needs to be tight.
Ashley likes her men with definition.
596
00:40:27,807 --> 00:40:31,494
Do you even work out?
I Jazzercise.
597
00:40:31,561 --> 00:40:34,129
Kidding.
598
00:40:34,197 --> 00:40:36,248
How tall are you?
599
00:40:36,315 --> 00:40:38,450
About 6"1'.
600
00:40:38,518 --> 00:40:40,685
Really?
601
00:40:40,753 --> 00:40:42,455
About 5"11'.
602
00:40:42,522 --> 00:40:44,273
You're gonna need
two-inch lifts.
603
00:40:44,341 --> 00:40:48,226
Ashley likes her men tall,
dark and handsome.
604
00:40:48,294 --> 00:40:52,265
I got a deal on the shirt.
So it's only gonna cost you 200.
605
00:40:52,332 --> 00:40:55,468
Bucks? For--
606
00:40:55,535 --> 00:41:01,156
Oh, Britney, I can find a three
pack at the outlet store for 11.95.
607
00:41:01,224 --> 00:41:02,741
200 bucks.
608
00:41:02,809 --> 00:41:05,644
If Ashley smells the stench
of wholesale on you,
609
00:41:05,712 --> 00:41:09,949
not even God himself
could get you back together.
610
00:41:12,886 --> 00:41:15,320
[ Walkie-Talkie Static ]
The hot dog is in the bun.
611
00:41:15,388 --> 00:41:18,190
Over.
[ Gasps ]
612
00:41:18,258 --> 00:41:21,861
Camouflage doesn't help you
blend in with a ficus.
613
00:41:21,928 --> 00:41:26,431
Sorry. But remember to end all
your transmissions with "Over."
614
00:41:26,499 --> 00:41:28,533
Okay, Britney
needs our help.
615
00:41:28,601 --> 00:41:31,687
Britney fired us.
- That's because she was sad.
616
00:41:31,755 --> 00:41:34,891
If we can follow Rick and figure
out how he stole all our clients,
617
00:41:34,958 --> 00:41:36,893
then we can take him down!
618
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:40,329
And then Britney will un-downsize us.
[ Sighs ]
619
00:41:40,397 --> 00:41:43,399
P-Please, Robs.
Brit's in trouble,
620
00:41:43,466 --> 00:41:46,335
and I don't want to let her
down again, okay?
621
00:41:46,403 --> 00:41:49,371
Which is why we need
to be all incognigenital.
622
00:41:51,458 --> 00:41:56,746
Incognito, sweetie. Incognito.
- Oh.
623
00:41:56,813 --> 00:42:00,616
[ Whimpering ]
Okay. Let's catch up with the hot dog.
624
00:42:08,107 --> 00:42:09,608
Try a divorce.
625
00:42:09,675 --> 00:42:12,611
[ Static ] The hot dog is leaving
the bun. Over.
626
00:42:12,678 --> 00:42:16,281
Stop with the hot dog--
dog thing! Over.
627
00:42:19,836 --> 00:42:23,472
You, uh-- You need
some help there, brother?
628
00:42:23,540 --> 00:42:25,541
These can be tricky.
629
00:42:25,608 --> 00:42:29,094
The good news is
the pink shirt works.
630
00:42:29,162 --> 00:42:32,398
All right. Booyaka.
Right?
631
00:42:32,465 --> 00:42:35,367
Around twice. Right? Through the loop.
- Oh.
632
00:42:35,435 --> 00:42:39,822
Thanks, bro. I'm meeting my girl
here and I wanna look good, you know?
633
00:42:39,889 --> 00:42:43,525
We've been having... issues.
634
00:42:43,593 --> 00:42:47,596
Really? Let's talk.
635
00:42:47,664 --> 00:42:49,981
[ Whispering, Indistinct ]
636
00:42:53,703 --> 00:42:56,204
She swears nothing happened.
- Ah, Christian.
637
00:42:56,272 --> 00:42:59,742
I know chicks, all right? And where
there's smoke, there's fire.
638
00:42:59,809 --> 00:43:03,311
End things now
before you get hurt.
639
00:43:03,379 --> 00:43:08,583
We've been together a year. I don't know
if I could handle breaking up with her.
640
00:43:08,652 --> 00:43:12,454
Thankfully, my friend,
you won't have to.
641
00:43:31,708 --> 00:43:36,011
[ Robyn ]
Look, there's Rick.
642
00:43:36,079 --> 00:43:38,681
[ Tiffany ]
This must be Rick's place.
643
00:43:40,216 --> 00:43:45,353
Oh, this is kinda bigger
than Britney's place.
644
00:43:45,421 --> 00:43:47,439
Kind of a lot bigger.
645
00:43:57,584 --> 00:43:59,819
I want a hot dog.
646
00:44:01,721 --> 00:44:03,655
What have we got?
647
00:44:03,723 --> 00:44:06,725
500 new clients this month, sir.
300 for E-Mate.
648
00:44:06,793 --> 00:44:10,329
Good, good. Just make sure we keep
the loved and the lovelorn balanced.
649
00:44:10,397 --> 00:44:13,165
Oh, and, uh,
what about Britney?
650
00:44:13,233 --> 00:44:15,301
She's done.
651
00:44:15,368 --> 00:44:18,870
# [ Salsa ]
652
00:44:18,938 --> 00:44:20,772
# [ Continues ]
[ People Chattering ]
653
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:25,244
You got dumped because you liked Ashley
a hell of a lot more than she liked you.
654
00:44:27,547 --> 00:44:31,199
Relationships need balance. It's gotta
look like you don't want Ashley anymore.
655
00:44:31,267 --> 00:44:34,069
Girls need to think you think
you're better than them,
656
00:44:34,137 --> 00:44:37,139
or else they think that they can have you,
and then they won't want you anymore.
657
00:44:37,207 --> 00:44:39,341
[ Groans ]
658
00:44:39,408 --> 00:44:43,996
Look, if you want to win Ashley back, you need
to pretend that you don't care about her.
659
00:44:44,063 --> 00:44:49,501
And considering your level of whippedness,
it's gonna take a lot more practice.
660
00:44:49,568 --> 00:44:51,704
Okay, well, then shouldn't
I be practicing on--
661
00:44:51,771 --> 00:44:54,840
[ Man, Shouts ]
Yeah! Whoo! Yeah!
662
00:44:54,908 --> 00:44:57,209
women?
663
00:44:57,276 --> 00:45:00,445
As a straight male, you're naturally
aloof around other men.
664
00:45:00,513 --> 00:45:02,514
You need to act the same way
around women.
665
00:45:02,582 --> 00:45:07,536
- So I have to be an ass?
- Exactly! That's what women want.
666
00:45:07,604 --> 00:45:12,057
Can I buy you a drink?
- Sure, man. Thanks.
667
00:45:12,124 --> 00:45:15,027
Uh, no, you can't. Um--
668
00:45:15,095 --> 00:45:17,763
You wanna shoot
some pool then?
669
00:45:17,830 --> 00:45:20,032
Mm-mmm.
670
00:45:21,501 --> 00:45:23,735
Ass.
671
00:45:23,803 --> 00:45:27,039
- Very nicely done--
- Hang on a second, bro. Hang on.
672
00:45:27,106 --> 00:45:30,259
Look, I'm sorry.
It's not you. It's just me.
673
00:45:30,326 --> 00:45:34,130
I just got out of a
relationship, and it's been--
674
00:45:37,901 --> 00:45:40,753
[ Laughs ]
It was great to meet you.
675
00:45:40,820 --> 00:45:43,973
And I'll call you right
before kickoff on Sunday. Okay.
676
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:47,860
That wasn't aloof. I thought you
two were gonna start making out.
677
00:45:47,927 --> 00:45:50,362
I'm sorry, Britney,
but I'm a friendly guy, okay?
678
00:45:50,429 --> 00:45:53,498
And I'm pretty sure
that women like affection.
679
00:45:53,566 --> 00:45:55,968
That is just what we tell
guys so we seem sensitive.
680
00:45:56,035 --> 00:46:00,705
[ Groans ] This isn't me, Britney. This
isn't me. I don't play games.
681
00:46:00,773 --> 00:46:02,807
The first time
that Ashley kissed me,
682
00:46:02,876 --> 00:46:06,178
my head said this was
a one-shot deal, but my heart--
683
00:46:06,246 --> 00:46:11,449
My heart said, "Follow her, you fool."
And I did, and I found my muse.
684
00:46:11,517 --> 00:46:16,554
Love is not a choice. Yes, it is.
Love is a chemical reaction, a craving.
685
00:46:16,622 --> 00:46:21,326
If I can control my urges for mini chimichangas,
then love can be controlled too.
686
00:46:21,394 --> 00:46:23,862
You're supposed to be
my blank canvas, remember?
687
00:46:23,930 --> 00:46:27,749
I'm trying to create a Rembrandt
here, and you're finger painting.
688
00:46:29,102 --> 00:46:31,169
I don't like the new Mike.
689
00:46:31,237 --> 00:46:33,555
Yeah, well, Ashley
dumped the old one.
690
00:46:36,810 --> 00:46:39,645
Paul, I can't believe
it's you.
691
00:46:39,712 --> 00:46:43,849
It's not. My name's Jeff.
- Right, but we went to SC together.
692
00:46:43,916 --> 00:46:46,451
I went to UCLA.
693
00:46:46,519 --> 00:46:48,820
Weren't you a business major?
- History.
694
00:46:48,888 --> 00:46:51,473
Oops. My bad.
695
00:46:54,043 --> 00:46:57,179
Hey. The craziest thing
just happened.
696
00:46:57,247 --> 00:47:01,183
I'm sitting here waiting for you,
and then this other girl comes up--
697
00:47:01,251 --> 00:47:04,052
Hey, Jeffy, you big stud.
698
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:08,340
Jeff and I have been together
since our days at UCLA.
699
00:47:08,408 --> 00:47:11,276
Judy, I--
Yeah, I don't know this girl.
700
00:47:11,344 --> 00:47:14,229
Remember how we used to
study together for history?
701
00:47:14,297 --> 00:47:17,215
[ Imitates Tiger Growl,
Laughs ]
702
00:47:17,283 --> 00:47:19,568
I'm surprised
either one of us passed.
703
00:47:19,635 --> 00:47:21,570
Judy, baby, I promise.
I don't know this girl.
704
00:47:21,637 --> 00:47:23,572
I've never seen her before.
I swear!
705
00:47:23,639 --> 00:47:25,574
[ Static on Walkie-Talkie ]
Why would you--
706
00:47:25,641 --> 00:47:28,543
[ Robyn ] Tiff. Tiff.
- Hey, who are you anyway?
707
00:47:28,611 --> 00:47:31,046
[ Tiffany ] The chicken has flown
the coop. Engage the chicken!
708
00:47:31,114 --> 00:47:33,348
Engage! Over.
709
00:47:33,416 --> 00:47:35,350
[ Exhales ]
Yeah.
710
00:47:35,418 --> 00:47:37,486
Okay, you can
do this, Robyn.
711
00:47:37,554 --> 00:47:39,488
Are you okay, miss?
712
00:47:39,556 --> 00:47:42,824
'Cause I work for Splitzville,
and I can help you.
713
00:47:42,892 --> 00:47:44,960
I--
714
00:47:45,027 --> 00:47:46,962
Hello. E-Dump?
715
00:47:47,029 --> 00:47:50,832
I need to get rid of my
cheating boyfriend A.S.A.P.
716
00:47:50,900 --> 00:47:53,235
The chicken
is crossing the road.
717
00:47:53,303 --> 00:47:55,237
Why did the chicken--
- Yeah. I'm here.
718
00:47:55,305 --> 00:47:57,239
Oh.
719
00:47:58,241 --> 00:48:01,593
- [ Gasps ]
- Oh, no.
720
00:48:04,096 --> 00:48:06,581
Come on.
721
00:48:10,936 --> 00:48:13,705
Air kisses.
722
00:48:13,772 --> 00:48:16,925
Look, if you're looking for
your latest boyfriend deletion,
723
00:48:16,993 --> 00:48:19,161
I'm gonna have
to charge you.
724
00:48:19,229 --> 00:48:21,196
No. I'm not dumping
my new guy.
725
00:48:21,264 --> 00:48:23,499
[ Sighs ]
726
00:48:23,566 --> 00:48:26,669
Are you okay?
You look worse than usual.
727
00:48:26,736 --> 00:48:30,021
New guy? Wonderful.
Just... perfect.
728
00:48:30,089 --> 00:48:34,075
No, he so is, and he's renting
out Club Finale tonight.
729
00:48:34,144 --> 00:48:36,411
I wanted to see what
Robs and Tiffs were doing.
730
00:48:36,479 --> 00:48:38,713
Oh. Um--
731
00:48:41,084 --> 00:48:44,186
Well, I guess
you can come then.
732
00:48:44,254 --> 00:48:46,871
No, I-I really...
733
00:48:49,041 --> 00:48:51,042
could use
a vodka cranberry.
734
00:48:52,144 --> 00:48:54,663
# [ Loud Dance ]
735
00:48:54,730 --> 00:48:57,849
- # [ Continues ]
- This is so exciting, Brit.
736
00:48:57,917 --> 00:49:00,786
I always wished we were closer.
- Really?
737
00:49:00,853 --> 00:49:02,987
Yeah. And when
you put makeup on,
738
00:49:03,089 --> 00:49:05,557
you're not half hideous.
[ Giggles ]
739
00:49:08,995 --> 00:49:11,763
[ Ashley ] Hi, honey.
- Oh.
740
00:49:16,752 --> 00:49:19,654
Britney?
741
00:49:19,722 --> 00:49:23,726
Britney, wait.
I'm sorry.
742
00:49:23,793 --> 00:49:26,294
Sorry? For what?
For dumping me?
743
00:49:26,363 --> 00:49:29,280
For ruining my business
or for dating my sister?
744
00:49:29,348 --> 00:49:31,567
Or is this just a blanket apology
for all your past wrongs...
745
00:49:31,634 --> 00:49:33,602
and future mea culpas
against me?
746
00:49:33,670 --> 00:49:35,420
Yeah. That one.
747
00:49:35,488 --> 00:49:38,974
The least you could've done was hired
me to break up with myself.
748
00:49:39,042 --> 00:49:41,143
Then I would've gotten
something out of it.
749
00:49:41,211 --> 00:49:44,146
It's not my fault.
I mean, look at her.
750
00:49:44,214 --> 00:49:47,649
Ashley has this aura, like she
pretends to not care about anything.
751
00:49:47,717 --> 00:49:49,384
She's not pretending!
752
00:49:49,451 --> 00:49:51,419
Listen, I'm opening up
a new break-up division,
753
00:49:51,487 --> 00:49:53,555
strictly for the removal
of sloppy seconds.
754
00:49:53,622 --> 00:49:57,475
And I need someone to run
it for me-- someone like you.
755
00:49:57,977 --> 00:50:00,612
[ Gasps ]
756
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:02,747
Had to pick the red.
757
00:50:05,451 --> 00:50:08,504
Ew! Ew. My sister?
758
00:50:08,654 --> 00:50:10,788
Ew!
[ Yelps ]
759
00:50:13,026 --> 00:50:14,893
It's not that big--
- Mmm!
760
00:50:22,735 --> 00:50:25,887
[ Children Chattering ]
761
00:50:25,955 --> 00:50:28,439
[ Chattering Continues ]
762
00:50:35,214 --> 00:50:37,215
[ Exhales ]
763
00:50:44,056 --> 00:50:46,625
[ Girl ]
The contrast is amazing.
764
00:50:46,692 --> 00:50:49,227
[ Paintbrush Bangs Ground ]
765
00:50:51,430 --> 00:50:54,383
Just keep goin', guys.
Do your best.
766
00:50:56,035 --> 00:50:58,537
Mike. Come on.
Let's go.
767
00:51:00,340 --> 00:51:02,273
Come on.
768
00:51:03,275 --> 00:51:05,276
[ Clapping ]
Good job, guys.
769
00:51:09,231 --> 00:51:11,717
Ashley. You look amazing.
770
00:51:11,784 --> 00:51:15,554
It's really good to see you.
Wow. You, uh-- You look terrific.
771
00:51:15,621 --> 00:51:17,272
We should totally
hang out sometime.
772
00:51:17,340 --> 00:51:20,224
Totally hang out?
[ Microphone Feedback ]
773
00:51:20,292 --> 00:51:23,095
What are you, 12? Oh, are you
gonna make her a mix tape too?
774
00:51:23,162 --> 00:51:25,180
Would you please stop
and just turn down the volume?
775
00:51:25,247 --> 00:51:27,482
All right? You're gonna
force me to pull a van Gogh.
776
00:51:28,918 --> 00:51:33,355
Get focused, okay? No compliments.
One-word answers.
777
00:51:33,423 --> 00:51:36,157
Ashley is your muse.
You need her.
778
00:51:36,225 --> 00:51:38,460
And I need that money.
- All right. [ Clears Throat ]
779
00:51:38,528 --> 00:51:42,798
Now just do what we rehearsed. Don't forget
the three A's-- arrogant, aloof, assy.
780
00:51:42,865 --> 00:51:45,066
Assy. Right.
- And if you run into any troub--
781
00:51:45,134 --> 00:51:48,036
She's coming.
Move it, van Gogh.
782
00:51:49,772 --> 00:51:52,173
Okay, walk slowly.
Be cool.
783
00:51:53,543 --> 00:51:55,711
I said cool,
not constipated.
784
00:51:59,949 --> 00:52:02,366
[ Clears Throat ]
785
00:52:02,434 --> 00:52:04,652
[ Laughs ]
Yeah.
786
00:52:04,720 --> 00:52:08,423
Yeah, well, uh,
nice talking to you, gorgeous.
787
00:52:08,491 --> 00:52:11,059
All right. Yeah.
Talk to you later.
788
00:52:11,126 --> 00:52:13,161
Mike.
789
00:52:17,049 --> 00:52:20,886
Oh. Uh, what's up--
Amber.
790
00:52:21,037 --> 00:52:22,971
Ashley.
- Right.
791
00:52:23,039 --> 00:52:25,740
[ Chuckles ]
You got a haircut.
792
00:52:25,808 --> 00:52:27,659
Had it styled.
793
00:52:27,726 --> 00:52:31,596
I like your shirt.
Is that Sea Island cotton?
794
00:52:32,531 --> 00:52:34,532
[ Static On Earpiece ]
795
00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:36,969
[ Britney On Earpiece ] Yes.
- Yes. Yes.
796
00:52:37,036 --> 00:52:38,870
- Esquire says--
- Esquire says...
797
00:52:39,022 --> 00:52:42,090
that once you cut the tags off
your clothes, they're dated.
798
00:52:42,158 --> 00:52:46,661
Plus pink is the new white, so I've
gotta update most of my casual wear.
799
00:52:46,729 --> 00:52:49,097
Thankfully, black is still the new black--
800
00:52:49,165 --> 00:52:52,834
Thankfully, black is still the new black,
so I've still got that going on.
801
00:52:52,902 --> 00:52:55,354
- # [ Men Singing In Spanish ]
- [ Feedback Hums ]
802
00:52:55,421 --> 00:53:00,375
Miro amor, mirame
en los ojos.
803
00:53:00,443 --> 00:53:02,544
# [ Continues ]
What?
804
00:53:07,550 --> 00:53:11,119
- # [ Stops ]
- Uh, I was just Spanglishing.
805
00:53:11,187 --> 00:53:15,640
I was-- I was, uh-- I was just
Spanglishing. It's that new thing to do.
806
00:53:15,708 --> 00:53:18,075
You start your sentence in English.
You end it in Spanish.
807
00:53:18,143 --> 00:53:21,146
Oh. Of course.
Spanglishing.
808
00:53:21,213 --> 00:53:25,950
I've been doing that for... mucho tampon.
- Right.
809
00:53:26,018 --> 00:53:29,638
Uh, well, I've gotta go, but we should totally--
[ Cell Phone Rings ]
810
00:53:29,706 --> 00:53:31,623
- Hello.
- Walk forward.
811
00:53:31,691 --> 00:53:36,611
Pivot. Walk away.
812
00:53:36,678 --> 00:53:39,597
Okay, if she stares at you for
at least four seconds, we are in.
813
00:53:39,665 --> 00:53:45,169
Four, three, two, one.
Yes!
814
00:53:45,237 --> 00:53:47,873
- Ah!
- [ Loud Clattering ]
815
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:54,396
# I'm so gonna pull this off
Doo-dah, doo-dah #
816
00:53:54,464 --> 00:53:58,333
# Then I'm gonna get 10 grand
Doo-doo-doo-dah-day # Cha-ching!
817
00:53:58,401 --> 00:54:02,137
# I'm gonna save my place, yeah
and punch Rick in the face # Uh!
818
00:54:02,204 --> 00:54:05,206
# Then I'll take his business
down Doo-doo-doo-dah-- #
819
00:54:05,275 --> 00:54:08,276
[ Brakes Squeal ]
820
00:54:08,344 --> 00:54:11,429
- [ People Exclaiming ]
- Oh, my God! I am so--
821
00:54:11,496 --> 00:54:14,499
- Britney?
- Sally?
822
00:54:14,567 --> 00:54:16,801
Um-- I'm okay. Really.
I'm gonna be okay.
823
00:54:16,869 --> 00:54:20,872
[ Stammers ]
You-You dropped something.
824
00:54:28,714 --> 00:54:33,251
[ Phones Ringing ]
825
00:54:35,687 --> 00:54:37,655
[ Phone Rings ]
826
00:54:37,723 --> 00:54:41,893
[ Woman ] This is E-Dump. Are you dumping
a boyfriend, girlfriend or one of each?
827
00:54:47,399 --> 00:54:49,250
Let me tell you, girls.
It is great having...
828
00:54:49,318 --> 00:54:52,203
two break-up specialists
with your experience here.
829
00:54:52,271 --> 00:54:55,406
Welcome to E-Dump.
[ Giggles ]
830
00:54:55,474 --> 00:54:57,675
[ Gasps ]
Look! Brit!
831
00:54:59,178 --> 00:55:03,030
- This is not what it looks like.
- Totally.
832
00:55:03,098 --> 00:55:06,250
Good. 'Cause it looks like
you're hurting me.
833
00:55:07,603 --> 00:55:09,638
[ Whimpers ]
834
00:55:09,706 --> 00:55:13,591
[ Seagulls Squawking ]
[ Ship Horn Blows ]
835
00:55:15,544 --> 00:55:17,462
Ta-da!
836
00:55:21,233 --> 00:55:26,237
This is just a little thank-you
for all of your help so far-- far.
837
00:55:26,305 --> 00:55:30,441
Rick used to shower me
with roses, all the time.
838
00:55:30,509 --> 00:55:32,611
Now every time I see them,
I think of him...
839
00:55:32,678 --> 00:55:35,947
and I remember
all the pain.
840
00:55:36,015 --> 00:55:37,949
Rick ruined red roses
for me.
841
00:55:39,919 --> 00:55:42,887
He also ruined bubble baths,
New York City...
842
00:55:42,955 --> 00:55:46,224
and most of my music collection,
including, sadly, my '90s Madonna.
843
00:55:49,061 --> 00:55:52,530
Ashley killed
frozen yogurt for me.
844
00:55:52,598 --> 00:55:55,000
Also, uh, hammocks,
845
00:55:55,067 --> 00:55:57,636
banana pancakes
and the color magenta.
846
00:55:57,703 --> 00:56:01,706
[ Scoffs ] I lost French food, diet
cola and airplane flights to Rick.
847
00:56:01,774 --> 00:56:06,144
Da Vinci is dead to me. So are butterfly
kisses, Ping-Pong and reality TV.
848
00:56:06,211 --> 00:56:10,982
The beach, Pictionary, sweet tea,
iPods, slow dances, Cary Grant.
849
00:56:11,050 --> 00:56:14,318
Sunsets, sleeping in, strawberries
and John Denver's "Country Roads."
850
00:56:14,386 --> 00:56:16,755
Rick ruined
everything for me.
851
00:56:26,431 --> 00:56:28,499
Maybe I should
come back tomorrow.
852
00:56:35,408 --> 00:56:37,909
[ Crying ]
853
00:56:44,917 --> 00:56:47,168
Have I really got you
in my arms again?
854
00:56:47,236 --> 00:56:49,537
Oh! Jack!
855
00:56:50,989 --> 00:56:55,393
Rick's company is huge,
and I'm just me.
856
00:56:55,461 --> 00:56:57,395
And now they have
my two best friends.
857
00:56:57,463 --> 00:57:00,231
[ TV Continues, Indistinct ]
858
00:57:00,299 --> 00:57:04,486
Well, they're a heartless
corporation just in it for the money.
859
00:57:04,553 --> 00:57:06,821
You dumped people
out of love.
860
00:57:06,889 --> 00:57:09,324
Will you stop with that
awful four-letter word?
861
00:57:09,392 --> 00:57:11,693
[ Chuckles ]
862
00:57:11,761 --> 00:57:15,831
You know, if the writers of these movies
you like so much never experienced love,
863
00:57:15,898 --> 00:57:18,667
they'd have no idea
how to portray it on screen,
864
00:57:18,734 --> 00:57:22,403
and you wouldn't have any idea
who Cary Grant is.
865
00:57:25,891 --> 00:57:28,727
You see, when a person has love
and they channel it into something,
866
00:57:28,794 --> 00:57:30,729
whether it's a painting...
867
00:57:30,796 --> 00:57:34,332
or a business that helps people
shed their unwanted exes,
868
00:57:34,399 --> 00:57:36,534
it becomes a force of nature.
869
00:57:36,602 --> 00:57:40,522
A passionate person fueled by love
is a force that no one can defeat.
870
00:57:50,866 --> 00:57:53,368
[ Birds Twittering ]
871
00:58:12,921 --> 00:58:14,672
[ Children Chattering ]
872
00:58:14,740 --> 00:58:16,875
[ Mike ]
Just use that other color.
873
00:58:26,668 --> 00:58:29,637
All right. Can I grab
your brush for a second?
874
00:58:29,705 --> 00:58:31,489
Thank you.
875
00:58:31,556 --> 00:58:34,225
All right, guys, we're gonna do some
more passionate and stronger strokes.
876
00:58:34,292 --> 00:58:37,428
Just like this, all right?
And be vibrant with your colors.
877
00:58:37,496 --> 00:58:40,732
Because we are happy,
and this is a happy mural.
878
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:44,869
Hi.
- Mmm.
879
00:58:44,937 --> 00:58:47,939
Uh, keep goin', guys.
880
00:59:01,587 --> 00:59:05,256
[ Phones Ringing ]
881
00:59:09,428 --> 00:59:11,863
[ Copier Whirring ]
882
00:59:11,930 --> 00:59:14,265
I went to that frat house
like you asked.
883
00:59:14,333 --> 00:59:17,635
I got at least five new names.
- Oh.
884
00:59:19,572 --> 00:59:23,140
And where would
our client list be?
885
00:59:24,777 --> 00:59:28,179
I mean, I should add the new names.
[ Giggles ]
886
00:59:28,247 --> 00:59:30,515
Well, leave them
on my desk.
887
00:59:30,583 --> 00:59:34,218
No one sees the client list
but me and Rick. Hmm?
888
00:59:37,155 --> 00:59:39,290
[ Pen Clatters ]
Oops.
889
00:59:46,632 --> 00:59:49,501
Mmm! Thanks.
890
00:59:50,770 --> 00:59:54,439
No ways.
[ Murmurs ]
891
00:59:54,507 --> 00:59:57,609
[ Clears Throat ]
Sorry. Oops.
892
00:59:57,676 --> 00:59:59,611
Right.
893
01:00:00,880 --> 01:00:03,681
[ Whimpers ]
894
01:00:03,749 --> 01:00:05,500
What about her?
895
01:00:05,567 --> 01:00:08,603
Uh, purse doesn't match?
896
01:00:08,671 --> 01:00:11,172
No. You're not supposed to
wear white after Labor Day.
897
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:15,443
Oh. Oh!
- And that's for ditching me last night.
898
01:00:15,511 --> 01:00:18,312
Well, I remembered how much you
appreciated our other night together.
899
01:00:18,380 --> 01:00:20,264
Yeah, but, last night,
I need--
900
01:00:21,450 --> 01:00:23,752
I mean, I wouldn't have
hurt you for staying.
901
01:00:23,819 --> 01:00:25,954
Okay, hang on. Stop.
902
01:00:26,022 --> 01:00:28,806
So, first, you're pissed
at me because I stayed.
903
01:00:28,873 --> 01:00:31,592
Now you're mad at me for leaving.
- Yeah.
904
01:00:31,660 --> 01:00:35,396
Well, how am I sup--
Oh, come on, Britney.
905
01:00:35,463 --> 01:00:38,616
[ Gasps, Sighs ]
906
01:00:39,818 --> 01:00:42,670
Well, I'm sorry?
907
01:00:42,738 --> 01:00:45,940
Congratulations.
You passed.
908
01:00:46,008 --> 01:00:48,726
Passed what?
- The female-brain test.
909
01:00:48,793 --> 01:00:51,729
See, our logic is way more advanced
than your standard Earth male,
910
01:00:51,796 --> 01:00:55,233
yet we expect you to understand
even when we don't make sense.
911
01:00:55,300 --> 01:00:57,802
That makes no sense.
- Exactly.
912
01:00:57,869 --> 01:01:00,638
But you kept your cool
and followed the golden rule:
913
01:01:00,706 --> 01:01:03,408
"Always apologize to a girl
when she's upset."
914
01:01:03,475 --> 01:01:06,544
Especially when you didn't
do anything wrong.
915
01:01:06,612 --> 01:01:10,315
So, hang on.
All the crying last night--
916
01:01:10,382 --> 01:01:12,350
that was part
of this test?
917
01:01:12,418 --> 01:01:16,120
Yeah, of course.
I mean, come on. Me cry?
918
01:01:16,188 --> 01:01:19,156
Bah.
- Okay. 'Cause I was worried about you.
919
01:01:20,759 --> 01:01:23,461
That guy was progressively
lighter from head to toe.
920
01:01:23,529 --> 01:01:25,530
Who dresses him?
921
01:01:29,534 --> 01:01:32,553
Have you ever considered working
on the happy end of relationships?
922
01:01:32,621 --> 01:01:35,756
[ Scoffs ]
People don't need help falling in love.
923
01:01:35,824 --> 01:01:39,193
They have the Internet and
alcohol for that. [ Chuckles ]
924
01:01:39,261 --> 01:01:42,964
But they do need someone to help
cushion the blow when it's over.
925
01:01:43,032 --> 01:01:45,300
'Cause no matter
how gently you dump someone,
926
01:01:45,367 --> 01:01:49,537
what your ex is really saying is,
"My life is better without you in it."
927
01:01:50,806 --> 01:01:54,208
Getting dumped is like
skinning your knee as a kid.
928
01:01:54,276 --> 01:01:57,611
I'm just the kiss from Mom
that makes it feel better.
929
01:01:57,679 --> 01:02:01,249
I really hope that one day you and
love get back on speaking terms.
930
01:02:01,317 --> 01:02:05,153
Love is just a leftover emotion
from our hairy ancestors.
931
01:02:05,221 --> 01:02:07,688
I mean, when your house is under
constant attack from woolly mammoths,
932
01:02:07,757 --> 01:02:10,091
then yeah, love and all that
other cutesy stuff are important.
933
01:02:10,159 --> 01:02:15,396
But today we have wireless everything.
We're self-sufficient.
934
01:02:15,464 --> 01:02:17,765
We don't need
to rely on each other.
935
01:02:17,833 --> 01:02:20,601
[ Both Laughing ]
936
01:02:20,669 --> 01:02:22,587
So, what about them?
937
01:02:22,654 --> 01:02:24,922
Probably been together
for over 30 years.
938
01:02:24,989 --> 01:02:26,841
Their youthful good looks
are gone.
939
01:02:26,908 --> 01:02:29,393
They've already gotten on
each other's every last nerve.
940
01:02:29,461 --> 01:02:32,680
And I'm sure they're not
in it for the sex anymore.
941
01:02:32,748 --> 01:02:35,382
So how do you explain the fact
that they're still together?
942
01:02:35,451 --> 01:02:37,452
How else
other than love?
943
01:02:40,422 --> 01:02:42,723
Senility and Viagra.
944
01:02:44,476 --> 01:02:48,112
[ Laughs ]
I'm just saying.
945
01:02:48,179 --> 01:02:50,881
While I agree that her shirt
was cut sluttily,
946
01:02:50,949 --> 01:02:53,016
it also had a very humorous
slogan on the front,
947
01:02:53,084 --> 01:02:55,253
so clearly my client was looking
at that and not her boobs.
948
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:57,488
So it's over. Deal with it.
[ Beeps ]
949
01:02:58,523 --> 01:03:02,159
Well, pardon me.
950
01:03:02,227 --> 01:03:05,563
I don't know how I didn't see
this tall drink of handsome.
951
01:03:05,631 --> 01:03:08,666
[ Laughs ]
Mm-mmm-mmm.
952
01:03:09,868 --> 01:03:13,003
Oh. Just as I thought.
Made in heaven.
953
01:03:13,071 --> 01:03:15,539
[ Laughing ]
954
01:03:15,607 --> 01:03:19,143
I'm on my way to Crunch
to do some pectoral flies.
955
01:03:19,210 --> 01:03:22,212
Mm-hmm?
- Care to spot me?
956
01:03:23,415 --> 01:03:25,349
Okay.
957
01:03:25,417 --> 01:03:29,353
[ Robyn ] Good work, Steven.
Your next dumping is on the house.
958
01:03:29,421 --> 01:03:32,006
[ Chuck Whimpering ]
959
01:03:32,074 --> 01:03:34,108
Where's the client list?
960
01:03:34,176 --> 01:03:36,311
[ Muffled Shouting ]
961
01:03:39,014 --> 01:03:40,949
He's not talking.
962
01:03:41,016 --> 01:03:43,517
That's because
you gagged him, sweetie.
963
01:03:43,585 --> 01:03:45,586
[ Giggles ]
964
01:03:47,323 --> 01:03:50,124
Let me go!
- Ow.
965
01:03:50,192 --> 01:03:51,976
Is somebody thirsty?
966
01:03:52,044 --> 01:03:54,595
I've got a blueberry schnapps.
967
01:03:54,663 --> 01:03:57,331
[ Whimpering ]
[ Sniffs ]
968
01:03:57,399 --> 01:04:01,502
Or maybe-- maybe you'd
prefer a whiskey shot.
969
01:04:01,570 --> 01:04:03,871
No. No, no.
Anything but that!
970
01:04:03,939 --> 01:04:05,873
Oh, this is so-- Mmm!
- No!
971
01:04:05,941 --> 01:04:07,942
Where is the client list, Chuck?
972
01:04:08,009 --> 01:04:10,244
I can't! I can't!
973
01:04:12,948 --> 01:04:14,949
No.
[ Whimpers ]
974
01:04:15,016 --> 01:04:18,219
Oh, right here.
- Monsters.
975
01:04:18,287 --> 01:04:20,038
[ Screams ]
Oh! Monsters!
976
01:04:20,105 --> 01:04:22,006
Monsters!
977
01:04:22,074 --> 01:04:26,444
[ Whimpering ]
No! No!
978
01:04:26,512 --> 01:04:29,813
Okay! Okay!
979
01:04:29,881 --> 01:04:33,551
Okay. Just put them away.
Put them away. I'll tell you.
980
01:04:33,619 --> 01:04:35,686
[ Gasping ]
981
01:04:35,754 --> 01:04:39,890
The client list
is in my e-mail account.
982
01:04:39,958 --> 01:04:43,127
[ Chuckles ]
So please stop.
983
01:04:43,195 --> 01:04:45,296
[ Squeals ]
[ Laughs ]
984
01:04:45,364 --> 01:04:46,930
[ Kisses ]
985
01:04:46,998 --> 01:04:49,367
Come on.
986
01:04:49,434 --> 01:04:52,570
[ Gasping ]
987
01:05:03,048 --> 01:05:06,084
I'll pay, okay?
You don't have to break a--
988
01:05:06,151 --> 01:05:10,388
Bob had a full head of hair when he married
his wife. Now look at him. He's hideous.
989
01:05:10,455 --> 01:05:13,257
She nags him, restricts
his football watching,
990
01:05:13,324 --> 01:05:16,144
and she's on the Olympic sex
program-- once every four years.
991
01:05:16,211 --> 01:05:19,046
Sucks for Bob. Move.
992
01:05:19,114 --> 01:05:20,932
He obviously needs
to cut her loose,
993
01:05:20,999 --> 01:05:23,250
but E-Dump is getting
overloaded with clients recently.
994
01:05:23,318 --> 01:05:27,037
So I thought I'd outsource a
few cases to you. You interested?
995
01:05:27,105 --> 01:05:29,090
No.
- Brooks, please.
996
01:05:29,158 --> 01:05:31,125
Just listen to me,
all right?
997
01:05:31,193 --> 01:05:33,177
Look, I came
to bury the hatchet.
998
01:05:33,244 --> 01:05:35,713
Yeah? Well, you already did.
It's in my back.
999
01:05:35,781 --> 01:05:37,865
Please, just accept
this rose...
1000
01:05:37,932 --> 01:05:40,902
and these delicious nougats
in the spirit of forgiveness.
1001
01:05:40,969 --> 01:05:44,105
I'm here to help, all right?
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
1002
01:05:44,173 --> 01:05:45,906
I'm staring
at the horse's other end.
1003
01:05:45,974 --> 01:05:49,927
[ Sighs ] Britney. Britney,
we need to be civil, all right.
1004
01:05:49,994 --> 01:05:53,096
For Ashley's sake. I--
[ Groans ] I love her.
1005
01:05:53,164 --> 01:05:55,783
Why is every man
in love with my sister?
1006
01:05:55,851 --> 01:05:58,819
Just let me give you a job, all right?
- Ugh!
1007
01:05:58,887 --> 01:06:00,621
You can run your own little
break-up bureau out of E-Dump.
1008
01:06:00,689 --> 01:06:02,823
It'll solve
your bank problems.
1009
01:06:02,891 --> 01:06:05,359
Britney, please. I--
1010
01:06:05,427 --> 01:06:07,494
I don't wanna fight with
my future sister-in-law.
1011
01:06:09,931 --> 01:06:12,867
Get out.
[ Sighs ]
1012
01:06:22,444 --> 01:06:24,995
I mean, it's perfect irony
really.
1013
01:06:25,063 --> 01:06:28,766
The break-up artist
done in by love.
1014
01:06:28,833 --> 01:06:33,604
I'm broke. My only hope is to get
this guy together with my sister, and--
1015
01:06:33,672 --> 01:06:37,174
I mean, he's nice and
he tries really hard, but--
1016
01:06:37,242 --> 01:06:39,893
He just lacks Rick's charm.
1017
01:06:39,961 --> 01:06:42,012
I'm surprised my sister
fell for him at all.
1018
01:06:42,080 --> 01:06:44,649
I mean, God,
what was she thinking?
1019
01:06:47,636 --> 01:06:50,238
Sorry. There's just
no one else to talk to.
1020
01:06:52,658 --> 01:06:54,592
Well, I know it looks
bad right now,
1021
01:06:54,660 --> 01:06:58,663
but I have every faith that
you will bring my muse back.
1022
01:06:58,730 --> 01:07:00,644
If you want the money now,
I can give it to you.
1023
01:07:00,645 --> 01:07:00,764
No.
1024
01:07:00,916 --> 01:07:03,217
I don't take money I didn't
earn. I'm not my sister.
1025
01:07:12,077 --> 01:07:14,945
Ashley liked you
for one reason.
1026
01:07:15,013 --> 01:07:17,048
She thought
you were rich.
1027
01:07:18,383 --> 01:07:21,302
Okay. Rick's got cash,
which is why he's got Ashley.
1028
01:07:21,369 --> 01:07:23,304
We can fake your coolness,
1029
01:07:23,371 --> 01:07:26,958
and maybe we can make you seem a
little more financially attractive.
1030
01:07:28,160 --> 01:07:30,694
First we're gonna need
some money.
1031
01:07:33,014 --> 01:07:35,182
[ Thunderclap ]
1032
01:07:43,058 --> 01:07:45,459
Twenty-five bucks.
1033
01:07:50,165 --> 01:07:53,618
The emo kids
love your artwork.
1034
01:07:58,389 --> 01:08:01,225
I just came to help.
1035
01:08:01,293 --> 01:08:05,779
Yeah, well, your help's why I'm
sitting here with one client.
1036
01:08:05,847 --> 01:08:08,399
[ Murmurs ]
1037
01:08:10,485 --> 01:08:13,270
Brit, this hasn't been
easy for us either.
1038
01:08:13,338 --> 01:08:15,272
I miss you.
1039
01:08:15,340 --> 01:08:19,009
And Tiff's so crushed, she's going
back to get her beauty school G.E.D.
1040
01:08:20,045 --> 01:08:22,914
Look, this file contains
all Rick's clients,
1041
01:08:22,981 --> 01:08:25,783
many of whom
he stole from you.
1042
01:08:25,851 --> 01:08:30,137
Swing half of them back to
your side, and his business is done.
1043
01:08:34,659 --> 01:08:36,427
I'll take them all.
1044
01:08:36,494 --> 01:08:38,779
[ Rain Dripping ]
1045
01:08:41,517 --> 01:08:44,001
So, we got the money.
Now what?
1046
01:08:48,974 --> 01:08:51,108
Uh-oh.
1047
01:08:53,795 --> 01:08:56,664
[ Grunts, Panting ]
1048
01:08:56,732 --> 01:08:59,016
Is that all you got?
[ Groaning ] - Oh, shut up.
1049
01:08:59,084 --> 01:09:02,486
I can't feel my abs anymore. I think
you're supposed to rest in between sets.
1050
01:09:02,553 --> 01:09:05,656
Did Romeo rest
when chasing Juliet?
1051
01:09:05,724 --> 01:09:08,258
Ross never gave up
from pursuing Rachel.
1052
01:09:08,326 --> 01:09:12,680
Right now, another man is wining
and dining the woman of your dreams--
1053
01:09:12,747 --> 01:09:15,383
a horrible, disgusting
other man.
1054
01:09:15,450 --> 01:09:17,251
[ Slaps Butt ]
1055
01:09:17,318 --> 01:09:20,087
[ Groaning ]
Three!
1056
01:09:20,154 --> 01:09:23,190
[ Gasps ]
1057
01:09:24,226 --> 01:09:26,327
You ready?
- Let's do the thing.
1058
01:09:26,395 --> 01:09:30,431
All right. Okay.
Okay.
1059
01:09:30,498 --> 01:09:33,317
Good for dinners and daytime
summer barbecues.
1060
01:09:33,384 --> 01:09:35,553
Yes.
1061
01:09:38,490 --> 01:09:40,657
Any movies
after the third date.
1062
01:09:40,725 --> 01:09:42,793
Nice.
1063
01:09:50,818 --> 01:09:53,954
[ Gasps ]
Come on.
1064
01:09:54,022 --> 01:09:56,123
First meeting
of the parents.
1065
01:09:56,190 --> 01:09:58,893
[ Groans ]
Birthdays and bar mitzvahs.
1066
01:09:58,961 --> 01:10:01,095
Shoot. I knew that.
Let's go again.
1067
01:10:10,255 --> 01:10:12,789
Oh. Sh-- I know. I looked.
Force of habit, okay?
1068
01:10:12,857 --> 01:10:15,376
Ow! Okay.
It was-- Never mind.
1069
01:10:16,578 --> 01:10:18,795
Oop.
1070
01:10:18,863 --> 01:10:20,814
And I want summaries of all
the fall lines by tomorrow.
1071
01:10:20,882 --> 01:10:21,807
How's your fitness?
1072
01:10:21,808 --> 01:10:24,485
It only takes me 12 minutes
to do the 8-minute abs now.
1073
01:10:24,553 --> 01:10:26,487
Nice.
1074
01:10:28,790 --> 01:10:32,042
Oh, guys. I'm so sorry.
I completely forgot.
1075
01:10:32,110 --> 01:10:34,277
Hey. Oh, come on.
1076
01:10:34,345 --> 01:10:36,080
Oh, come on, guys.
1077
01:10:37,849 --> 01:10:40,501
Hey. Hey, you know, I'll come
in early tomorrow morning.
1078
01:10:40,568 --> 01:10:43,036
All right? We're gonna
get this done. I promise.
1079
01:10:43,104 --> 01:10:45,172
[ Sighs ]
1080
01:10:48,259 --> 01:10:50,394
You know what, Britney?
I'm done with this.
1081
01:10:50,461 --> 01:10:53,180
I'm done with the practice. I'm done
with the training. I want my muse now.
1082
01:10:53,247 --> 01:10:57,351
Okay. You're ready.
1083
01:10:57,419 --> 01:10:59,803
# [ Electronic Dance ]
1084
01:10:59,871 --> 01:11:02,255
# [ Continues ]
1085
01:11:30,618 --> 01:11:32,919
# [ Continues ]
1086
01:11:36,841 --> 01:11:39,193
# [ Continues ]
1087
01:11:39,260 --> 01:11:42,029
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
1088
01:11:50,455 --> 01:11:53,441
[ Both Laughing ]
1089
01:11:53,508 --> 01:11:56,243
Britney, you--
you were so amazing.
1090
01:11:56,311 --> 01:11:58,312
You knew everywhere
that Ashley was gonna be.
1091
01:11:58,380 --> 01:12:02,350
No. It's all you, Mike. I'm so proud
of how much of a dick you are now.
1092
01:12:02,417 --> 01:12:05,018
Oh. Okay.
[ Both Laugh ]
1093
01:12:05,086 --> 01:12:07,488
You think I should her now?
- What? No, no, no, no.
1094
01:12:07,556 --> 01:12:09,923
As soon as you pick up that
phone, you go from hunter to prey.
1095
01:12:09,991 --> 01:12:15,730
No more balance.
- Okay. I'm breaking the rules!
1096
01:12:15,797 --> 01:12:18,499
[ Both Laughing ]
1097
01:12:18,567 --> 01:12:21,101
You're so good.
- What a day.
1098
01:12:47,295 --> 01:12:49,130
Mike?
1099
01:12:50,832 --> 01:12:53,634
Hi.
[ Chuckles ]
1100
01:12:53,701 --> 01:12:55,636
Uh, hey.
What's up, Amber?
1101
01:12:55,703 --> 01:12:58,472
Ashley.
- Right.
1102
01:13:00,375 --> 01:13:04,211
Were, uh--
Were you getting a massage today?
1103
01:13:04,279 --> 01:13:06,313
Mmm.
1104
01:13:06,381 --> 01:13:08,415
So what do you want,
a ride home or something?
1105
01:13:08,483 --> 01:13:11,385
No, no.
Uh, my boyfriend's coming to get me.
1106
01:13:11,452 --> 01:13:13,387
He, like, has a Mercedes.
1107
01:13:13,454 --> 01:13:15,622
Hmm. Well, have a good night.
[ Snaps Fingers ]
1108
01:13:21,797 --> 01:13:23,730
Oh.
[ Chuckling ]
1109
01:13:23,799 --> 01:13:26,466
Mmm! Hi.
1110
01:13:31,239 --> 01:13:33,573
This is three grand
a bottle.
1111
01:13:36,044 --> 01:13:38,045
What, is that a lot?
1112
01:13:38,113 --> 01:13:40,747
Nah, I just sold
one of my paintings.
1113
01:13:40,816 --> 01:13:43,784
You just sold
one of your paintings?
1114
01:13:43,852 --> 01:13:46,053
Half a mil.
1115
01:13:46,121 --> 01:13:48,889
Really? You just sold
one of your paintings.
1116
01:13:48,957 --> 01:13:51,025
Yeah. It was a bad week.
1117
01:13:51,092 --> 01:13:54,561
[ Chuckles ]
I totally misread you.
1118
01:13:54,629 --> 01:13:58,498
You really come off as that
"wholesale shopping bag" guy.
1119
01:13:58,566 --> 01:14:02,036
[ Laughs ]
Yeah. Yeah, that's, uh, just an act...
1120
01:14:02,103 --> 01:14:05,372
to keep away all the chicks
that are just after my money.
1121
01:14:05,440 --> 01:14:07,641
[ Singsongy ]
Those are the worst.
1122
01:14:07,709 --> 01:14:09,643
Yeah.
1123
01:14:10,846 --> 01:14:13,180
[ Brakes Squeal ]
That's your stop.
1124
01:14:26,361 --> 01:14:28,362
I'll call you tomorrow.
1125
01:14:30,532 --> 01:14:32,566
Laters.
1126
01:14:36,053 --> 01:14:38,038
Good work.
1127
01:14:39,791 --> 01:14:41,792
What's wrong?
1128
01:14:46,831 --> 01:14:50,033
She, uh--
[ Clears Throat ]
1129
01:14:51,035 --> 01:14:52,970
She kissed me.
1130
01:14:55,239 --> 01:14:58,041
Oh. Well--
1131
01:14:58,059 --> 01:15:00,176
That's a--
1132
01:15:00,244 --> 01:15:02,378
That's a good thing,
right?
1133
01:15:05,132 --> 01:15:08,569
Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]
1134
01:15:12,941 --> 01:15:15,692
Just drop us off.
1135
01:15:15,760 --> 01:15:18,162
We can't afford you
for another hour.
1136
01:15:20,898 --> 01:15:23,751
[ Woman ]
# I remember when you told me #
1137
01:15:23,818 --> 01:15:26,887
# We'd be together
till the end of time #
1138
01:15:26,954 --> 01:15:29,890
# But time passed so quickly #
1139
01:15:29,957 --> 01:15:32,292
# I guess
you changed your mind #
1140
01:15:32,360 --> 01:15:34,528
# Though my head's a mess #
1141
01:15:34,596 --> 01:15:37,597
# I've got nothin' left
without you #
1142
01:15:37,665 --> 01:15:41,718
# And I hate how it feels #
1143
01:15:41,786 --> 01:15:45,455
# I want to see you again #
1144
01:15:45,607 --> 01:15:48,058
# How could this be the end #
1145
01:15:48,125 --> 01:15:51,295
# Don't say good-bye #
1146
01:15:51,362 --> 01:15:54,615
[ Chorus ]
# Don't say good-bye #
1147
01:15:54,682 --> 01:15:57,234
# I know this time
it's for real #
1148
01:15:57,301 --> 01:16:00,087
[ Mike ] Sorry, guys,
but you know what?
1149
01:16:00,154 --> 01:16:02,089
I know we're
better than this.
1150
01:16:02,156 --> 01:16:04,357
And that's why
we're gonna start over.
1151
01:16:04,425 --> 01:16:06,243
We're gonna put
our hearts into it,
1152
01:16:06,310 --> 01:16:08,612
and we're gonna put
our souls into it.
1153
01:16:08,680 --> 01:16:11,397
Yeah. Put some
sea-foam green into it.
1154
01:16:11,465 --> 01:16:13,800
And remember, guys, we're
telling a story here.
1155
01:16:13,868 --> 01:16:16,403
We're telling a story
about good versus evil,
1156
01:16:16,471 --> 01:16:19,038
and we're telling a story
about love.
1157
01:16:19,106 --> 01:16:21,425
What the hell, Mike?
1158
01:16:21,492 --> 01:16:23,677
This is our D-day.
We're on a strict schedule.
1159
01:16:23,744 --> 01:16:26,897
Ashley will be at Avalon by 10:15.
- Spider Club, 10:30.
1160
01:16:28,299 --> 01:16:32,736
She asked me out.
- Ashley asked you out?
1161
01:16:34,522 --> 01:16:37,791
Ashley never asks anyone out.
I mean, that's great.
1162
01:16:37,859 --> 01:16:40,660
You got your muse back.
- I turned her down.
1163
01:16:40,728 --> 01:16:43,363
What?
1164
01:16:43,431 --> 01:16:45,916
I just thought that after the other ni--
- No, Mike, I need this!
1165
01:16:45,983 --> 01:16:48,836
Okay? Or else
I lose everything.
1166
01:17:08,506 --> 01:17:10,507
[ Cell Phone Beeps ]
1167
01:17:22,303 --> 01:17:25,372
- Got your text.
- Yeah.
1168
01:17:25,439 --> 01:17:27,641
You need something?
1169
01:17:27,709 --> 01:17:30,344
I need my girls back.
1170
01:17:33,280 --> 01:17:35,999
- Bouquet, bouquet!
- [ All Squealing ]
1171
01:17:37,368 --> 01:17:39,302
[ Tiffany ]
Yea!
1172
01:17:39,370 --> 01:17:41,788
I'm so sorry that I
downsized you girls.
1173
01:17:41,789 --> 01:17:42,672
[ Tiffany ] Mmm.
1174
01:17:42,740 --> 01:17:45,225
- But I have a secret mission tonight.
- Ooh.
1175
01:17:45,292 --> 01:17:46,501
You wanna get upsized?
1176
01:17:46,502 --> 01:17:47,710
- Let's do it!
- Yes!
1177
01:17:47,778 --> 01:17:48,945
[ Laughing ]
Yes! Yes!
1178
01:17:51,882 --> 01:17:55,018
Oh, I totally wanna
see you too, Rick.
1179
01:17:55,085 --> 01:17:57,187
But, yeah, no, we're gonna
have to wait until tomorrow.
1180
01:17:57,255 --> 01:18:01,057
I totally have plans with
someone else tonight. Laters.
1181
01:18:10,835 --> 01:18:13,170
How did you know
I liked pink roses?
1182
01:18:13,237 --> 01:18:16,639
Red ones got ruined.
1183
01:18:21,495 --> 01:18:23,297
Keep feeding her wine, Mike.
1184
01:18:23,364 --> 01:18:25,599
The higher her blood-alcohol level,
the better our chances.
1185
01:18:25,666 --> 01:18:28,601
[ Vehicle Approaching ]
1186
01:18:37,544 --> 01:18:39,379
Okay.
1187
01:18:47,188 --> 01:18:49,456
You're right, sir.
They're on the move.
1188
01:19:00,534 --> 01:19:02,735
Oh. I've gotta go
powder my nosie.
1189
01:19:02,804 --> 01:19:05,172
If the waitress comes,
I want--
1190
01:19:05,239 --> 01:19:07,107
Merlot-- 73.5 degrees.
1191
01:19:16,518 --> 01:19:19,335
Okay. Very nicely done.
We almost have balance.
1192
01:19:19,403 --> 01:19:21,304
Go to the appetizer page.
1193
01:19:23,257 --> 01:19:25,859
Follow the script,
and we will be fine.
1194
01:19:27,361 --> 01:19:30,046
Okay. What if she does
something unexpected?
1195
01:19:30,114 --> 01:19:31,832
Desserts. Here.
1196
01:19:33,233 --> 01:19:34,934
[ Chuckles ]
1197
01:19:36,337 --> 01:19:38,121
Okay.
1198
01:19:44,895 --> 01:19:48,698
[ Static On Earpiece ]
Uh-- Okay, static.
1199
01:19:48,766 --> 01:19:51,968
What's going on with the sound?
- Um, mike check, check. Can you hear me?
1200
01:19:52,035 --> 01:19:54,271
[ Static Continues ] You know what?
Forget about it. Don't even worry.
1201
01:19:54,338 --> 01:19:56,439
You have taught me well.
I can do this on my own.
1202
01:19:56,507 --> 01:19:59,688
No. We're screwed I
think it's the batteries.
1203
01:19:59,689 --> 01:20:01,278
[ Tiffany ] Here you go.
1204
01:20:01,345 --> 01:20:03,246
Hi.
- Hi.
1205
01:20:03,314 --> 01:20:05,966
Oh. Mm-mmm.
Okay.
1206
01:20:06,033 --> 01:20:10,904
Match the diode up with its ionic
charge, or it won't circulate its power.
1207
01:20:10,971 --> 01:20:14,241
- Tiff? [ Chuckles ]
- [ Giggles ]
1208
01:20:14,308 --> 01:20:16,159
[ Ashley ]
And he's wearing pink.
1209
01:20:16,226 --> 01:20:19,579
- Shoot. She's coming! Battle stations.
- [ Robyn ] Go. Go.
1210
01:20:26,403 --> 01:20:29,172
After dinner, you should
try the crème brûlée.
1211
01:20:29,239 --> 01:20:31,240
It's Atkins-friendly here.
1212
01:20:31,308 --> 01:20:33,343
The last time
we were together,
1213
01:20:33,411 --> 01:20:37,046
you so gave off this
granola-loving, tree-hugging,
1214
01:20:37,114 --> 01:20:39,882
"I give my salary
to the poor" vibe.
1215
01:20:39,950 --> 01:20:43,486
I am so glad
I was wrong about you.
1216
01:20:45,456 --> 01:20:49,642
Yeah, well, uh, you know,
I like to take things slow.
1217
01:20:49,710 --> 01:20:53,714
When I meet someone, I prefer to
gradually reveal my personality as things--
1218
01:20:53,781 --> 01:20:56,016
[ Rick ]
Ashley!
1219
01:20:56,084 --> 01:20:57,868
You're being set up.
1220
01:20:57,935 --> 01:21:02,160
This, uh, guy paid your sister
to help him get you back.
1221
01:21:02,161 --> 01:21:02,456
What?
1222
01:21:02,523 --> 01:21:04,474
Ashley, I understand your concern.
- Aw!
1223
01:21:04,542 --> 01:21:06,726
Look!
1224
01:21:08,412 --> 01:21:11,564
- Oh, crap.
- Pathetic.
1225
01:21:11,632 --> 01:21:14,050
- What the hell's going on, Mike?
- Yeah, Mike.
1226
01:21:14,118 --> 01:21:15,902
[ Britney Clears Throat ]
1227
01:21:19,941 --> 01:21:22,109
Brit-Brit?
1228
01:21:23,961 --> 01:21:25,896
Ladies?
1229
01:21:27,131 --> 01:21:30,366
How could you?
After everything I've done for you.
1230
01:21:30,434 --> 01:21:34,187
She's just jealous, all right?
She's trying to break us apart.
1231
01:21:34,255 --> 01:21:36,222
But I love you, Ashley.
1232
01:21:37,191 --> 01:21:39,108
[ Gasps, Yelps ]
1233
01:21:40,544 --> 01:21:43,329
Ashes, no!
Remember Mike?
1234
01:21:43,397 --> 01:21:47,934
He-He has fashion sense,
a limo and-- and those abs.
1235
01:21:48,002 --> 01:21:49,619
[ Mouthing Words ]
1236
01:21:56,360 --> 01:21:59,529
Honey. It's really expensive.
[ Gasps ]
1237
01:21:59,597 --> 01:22:01,965
Hey! Back!
[ Ashley ] Give it to me! It's mine!
1238
01:22:05,119 --> 01:22:08,855
So the ring is huge.
Come on, Mike. This is it.
1239
01:22:08,922 --> 01:22:10,957
Don't quit on me.
Mike.
1240
01:22:11,025 --> 01:22:13,460
I can't--
I can't do this anymore.
1241
01:22:13,527 --> 01:22:16,562
Britney, all the games,
all the lies.
1242
01:22:16,630 --> 01:22:20,283
I don't-- I don't even
think she's my muse anymore.
1243
01:22:20,350 --> 01:22:22,735
What?
1244
01:22:22,803 --> 01:22:25,789
Last night
when I kissed her,
1245
01:22:25,857 --> 01:22:29,259
I-I didn't feel that spark
like before.
1246
01:22:29,326 --> 01:22:32,095
It didn't feel as good
as when I kissed you.
1247
01:22:33,814 --> 01:22:38,017
That wasn't a real kiss. It--
It was diversion. Doesn't count.
1248
01:22:38,085 --> 01:22:40,070
Britney, the second
that we kissed,
1249
01:22:40,137 --> 01:22:43,940
my mind exploded with thoughts and
feelings I didn't even know existed.
1250
01:22:44,007 --> 01:22:46,376
My body tingled.
My lips were on fire.
1251
01:22:46,444 --> 01:22:49,278
They were probably chapped.
I-- Here.
1252
01:22:49,346 --> 01:22:52,699
Britney, you took charge of my life.
Okay?
1253
01:22:52,767 --> 01:22:55,736
You... knew me.
You read me.
1254
01:22:55,803 --> 01:22:59,506
No! No, I'm illiterate.
- You're incredible.
1255
01:23:01,743 --> 01:23:03,744
You're incredible.
1256
01:23:05,613 --> 01:23:07,781
I'm in love with you.
1257
01:23:07,849 --> 01:23:09,115
[ Quietly ]
No.
1258
01:23:09,183 --> 01:23:11,334
No.
1259
01:23:11,402 --> 01:23:15,338
Don't. Don't.
Don't do this.
1260
01:23:15,406 --> 01:23:17,407
Just give it a chance.
1261
01:23:22,413 --> 01:23:25,215
I can't date clients.
1262
01:23:27,918 --> 01:23:30,620
You know what, Britney? If you want
to treat me like a client, fine.
1263
01:23:30,688 --> 01:23:34,323
It's the logical choice, but I
know you felt something last night.
1264
01:23:34,391 --> 01:23:36,443
You had to. Okay, listen.
- No. No.
1265
01:23:36,510 --> 01:23:39,462
So for just once in your life,
think with your heart.
1266
01:23:42,232 --> 01:23:45,969
Okay?
# [ Woman Singing Ballad, Indistinct ]
1267
01:23:48,372 --> 01:23:52,375
I-- It's--
It's not you.
1268
01:23:54,344 --> 01:23:56,345
It's me.
1269
01:23:58,649 --> 01:24:01,084
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
1270
01:24:05,790 --> 01:24:08,308
# [ Continues ]
1271
01:24:08,375 --> 01:24:10,376
[ Britney's Voice ]
Cary Grant, Gregory Peck--
1272
01:24:10,444 --> 01:24:13,429
those were real men,
men who don't exist today.
1273
01:24:13,497 --> 01:24:18,201
- Rule number one: Do not hug me.
- Get out!
1274
01:24:18,268 --> 01:24:21,154
- Is that all you got?
- What the hell, Mike?
1275
01:24:21,221 --> 01:24:23,990
Considering your level of whippedness,
it's gonna take a lot more practice.
1276
01:24:24,057 --> 01:24:26,493
And that's for ditching me
last night.
1277
01:24:26,560 --> 01:24:28,462
- [ Slaps Butt ]
- Ow!
1278
01:24:28,529 --> 01:24:34,434
# To guide you and lead you
through dark #
1279
01:24:35,853 --> 01:24:39,406
# Into light #
1280
01:24:39,474 --> 01:24:42,142
[ Both Laughing ]
1281
01:24:48,165 --> 01:24:50,967
# Gotta know
what you're feelin' #
1282
01:24:51,035 --> 01:24:53,737
# Wanna know
how you're dealin' #
1283
01:24:53,804 --> 01:24:56,372
# With pain inside #
1284
01:24:59,643 --> 01:25:02,495
# It's okay not to show it #
1285
01:25:02,563 --> 01:25:05,398
# Takes some time
letting go #
1286
01:25:05,466 --> 01:25:10,620
# All the hurt
you'll find #
1287
01:25:10,687 --> 01:25:12,689
# [ Continues, Indistinct ]
Robs?
1288
01:25:16,210 --> 01:25:19,679
Perfect. That would be perfect, girl.
[ Laughs ]
1289
01:25:19,746 --> 01:25:21,664
I know what you're thinking.
1290
01:25:21,816 --> 01:25:24,918
You're thinking,
"What was she thinking?
1291
01:25:24,985 --> 01:25:28,855
"How could she pass up
the love of a great guy?
1292
01:25:28,923 --> 01:25:32,558
A great guy with
a $10,000 check?"
1293
01:25:32,626 --> 01:25:34,510
But I didn't earn
Mike's money.
1294
01:25:34,578 --> 01:25:38,698
And I didn't
earn Mike either.
1295
01:25:38,765 --> 01:25:40,850
He needs to be
with someone like him,
1296
01:25:40,918 --> 01:25:43,636
someone--
1297
01:25:43,704 --> 01:25:47,106
someone who still
believes in love.
1298
01:25:47,174 --> 01:25:49,458
I just asked
if you had more boxes.
1299
01:25:50,611 --> 01:25:52,546
Oh. Um--
1300
01:25:53,497 --> 01:25:56,850
Nope. That's--
That's it.
1301
01:25:56,918 --> 01:26:00,303
And you should've
kissed Mike.
1302
01:26:00,371 --> 01:26:03,056
Shut up.
1303
01:26:03,123 --> 01:26:06,659
Why do girls keep dumping
that cutie?
1304
01:26:06,727 --> 01:26:08,728
Look at
the bright side, Brit.
1305
01:26:08,795 --> 01:26:10,730
At least you kept him
away from Ashley.
1306
01:26:10,797 --> 01:26:12,732
He would've never
been happy with her.
1307
01:26:12,799 --> 01:26:17,203
Yeah. I mean, Mike's money might
help me keep all this stuff, but--
1308
01:26:17,271 --> 01:26:20,740
At least I can still look
myself proudly in the mirror--
1309
01:26:20,807 --> 01:26:23,243
if I had a mirror.
1310
01:26:23,310 --> 01:26:26,246
Mmm. We'll do one
last check.
1311
01:26:26,313 --> 01:26:28,248
Okay.
- Okay?
1312
01:26:28,315 --> 01:26:30,417
[ Chuckling ]
1313
01:26:30,484 --> 01:26:32,485
It's gonna be okay.
- Okay.
1314
01:26:33,720 --> 01:26:35,655
Come on.
1315
01:26:40,528 --> 01:26:42,529
[ Sighs ]
1316
01:26:44,715 --> 01:26:46,983
[ Knocking ]
1317
01:26:47,050 --> 01:26:51,404
All right, come on in.
Let's get this over with.
1318
01:26:51,472 --> 01:26:53,540
You know, people tell me
I had a mean job.
1319
01:26:53,607 --> 01:26:56,376
You foreclose and rip people
out of their homes.
1320
01:26:56,444 --> 01:26:59,245
Does that make you happy?
1321
01:26:59,313 --> 01:27:01,430
No.
1322
01:27:02,700 --> 01:27:04,634
Hi.
1323
01:27:23,320 --> 01:27:26,639
I paid off the bank.
1324
01:27:26,707 --> 01:27:29,876
What? Why?
1325
01:27:31,311 --> 01:27:34,714
You paid me to help you get
back with Ashley, and I failed.
1326
01:27:34,782 --> 01:27:37,450
I-- I didn't earn
your money.
1327
01:27:37,518 --> 01:27:40,720
Oh, Britney. I hired you
to help me find my muse.
1328
01:27:44,475 --> 01:27:46,743
I'm very happy
with your services.
1329
01:28:00,891 --> 01:28:02,892
It's incredible.
1330
01:28:04,862 --> 01:28:06,277
# [ Man Singing Country Rock ]
1331
01:28:06,278 --> 01:28:08,731
The kids and I worked on
it for three days straight.
1332
01:28:08,799 --> 01:28:12,268
Just came together like all great
art does when you're inspired.
1333
01:28:12,335 --> 01:28:15,805
# [ Continues, Indistinct ]
1334
01:28:18,308 --> 01:28:21,110
He liked you.
He really did.
1335
01:28:21,177 --> 01:28:25,047
You were great around the house,
amazing in the kitchen...
1336
01:28:25,115 --> 01:28:28,317
and a generous,
yet gentle lover.
1337
01:28:28,385 --> 01:28:30,820
But he just needs
to be with someone...
1338
01:28:30,888 --> 01:28:33,022
a little less evil.
1339
01:28:34,891 --> 01:28:39,612
Plus 1997 called and it wants its
unbuttoned Backstreet Boys shirt back.
1340
01:28:39,680 --> 01:28:41,714
[ Whimpers ]
1341
01:28:41,782 --> 01:28:46,553
Unlike E-Dump, we offer a special
players' club card for macks like you...
1342
01:28:46,620 --> 01:28:49,338
that offers discounts on all
"one-night stand" removals.
1343
01:28:49,406 --> 01:28:52,541
When the clock strikes 4:00,
we'll get 'em out your door.
1344
01:28:52,609 --> 01:28:54,727
Wait. Okay.
1345
01:28:54,794 --> 01:28:56,362
[ Beeps ]
1346
01:28:56,430 --> 01:28:59,031
Gary? Hi.
1347
01:28:59,099 --> 01:29:01,818
[ Sniffling ] I just felt like
we had a connection.
1348
01:29:01,885 --> 01:29:03,953
Yeah, I miss you too.
1349
01:29:04,021 --> 01:29:05,839
[ Male Reporter ]
And now back to the financial news.
1350
01:29:05,906 --> 01:29:08,307
Shares of E-Mate took an
Enron-esque nosedive today.
1351
01:29:08,376 --> 01:29:11,378
The company's effort to break
into the break-up business bombed.
1352
01:29:11,445 --> 01:29:13,780
Now that company
is getting dumped.
1353
01:29:15,616 --> 01:29:18,084
[ Britney Narrating ] I realized I have
a gift for starting relationships...
1354
01:29:18,151 --> 01:29:20,086
as well as ending them.
1355
01:29:20,153 --> 01:29:22,154
So I rebranded my company...
1356
01:29:22,222 --> 01:29:25,958
and dedicated it to all aspects
of the most powerful force of all.
1357
01:29:28,061 --> 01:29:30,730
[ Phone Rings ]
1358
01:29:30,798 --> 01:29:34,217
Love Rocks. This is Britney.
How can I help you?
1359
01:29:34,285 --> 01:29:36,219
Well, how can he
respect you, Steven?
1360
01:29:36,287 --> 01:29:38,621
Stop putting out
on the first date.
1361
01:29:41,225 --> 01:29:44,210
[ Narrating ] But I still enjoy going
back to my roots every now and then.
1362
01:29:47,581 --> 01:29:49,632
Ah!
1363
01:29:49,750 --> 01:29:52,252
Sorry to hear
about everything.
1364
01:29:52,369 --> 01:29:55,171
Yeah, the break-up business--
[ Clicks Tongue ] it's a cruel one.
1365
01:29:55,239 --> 01:29:58,307
[ Chuckles ]
This isn't over, Brooks.
1366
01:29:58,375 --> 01:30:01,978
I'll be back, especially now
that I have Ashley.
1367
01:30:02,046 --> 01:30:03,913
Yeah, about that.
1368
01:30:03,980 --> 01:30:06,516
She doesn't really see this
relationship progressing.
1369
01:30:06,583 --> 01:30:09,185
It's not her.
It's you.
1370
01:30:10,954 --> 01:30:14,206
[ Narrating ] Seems there are lots
more people looking to fall into love...
1371
01:30:14,274 --> 01:30:16,208
than fall out of it.
1372
01:30:16,276 --> 01:30:18,277
Love blows.
1373
01:30:18,345 --> 01:30:20,563
# [ Continues ]
1374
01:30:20,630 --> 01:30:24,567
And that is the story
behind this painting.
1375
01:30:24,634 --> 01:30:27,236
Thanks for choosing us, sir.
That money's going to good use.
1376
01:30:27,303 --> 01:30:30,707
# Singin' na-na, na-na #
1377
01:30:30,774 --> 01:30:32,942
# It's a beautiful life #
1378
01:30:33,010 --> 01:30:35,945
And it's all
because of you.
1379
01:30:36,013 --> 01:30:38,714
My muse.
# Na-na, na-na #
1380
01:30:38,782 --> 01:30:41,717
# It's a beautiful life #
1381
01:30:41,785 --> 01:30:44,586
# Yes, it is
Oh, oh #
1382
01:30:44,654 --> 01:30:47,640
Hi. I'm Ashley.
1383
01:30:47,708 --> 01:30:50,193
[ Britney Narrating ] Okay, so maybe love
is a little more eternal...
1384
01:30:50,260 --> 01:30:52,195
than I gave it credit for.
1385
01:30:52,262 --> 01:30:55,181
Yep, I love love again.
1386
01:30:55,248 --> 01:30:58,634
As some dead British guy once said that
it's "better to have loved and lost...
1387
01:30:58,702 --> 01:31:01,103
than never to have
loved at all."
1388
01:31:01,171 --> 01:31:04,974
Love is always in our hearts.
We can't lose it.
1389
01:31:05,042 --> 01:31:07,944
But in case you did,
I can help.
1390
01:31:08,011 --> 01:31:11,380
I'm Britney Brooks, the love consultant.
Give me a call.
1391
01:31:11,448 --> 01:31:13,916
# What a beautiful life #
1392
01:31:13,984 --> 01:31:16,251
# Yes, it is #
1393
01:31:16,319 --> 01:31:18,688
# Na-na, na-na #
1394
01:31:18,755 --> 01:31:20,856
# What a beautiful life #
1395
01:31:23,093 --> 01:31:26,728
# Oh, na-na, na-na #
1396
01:31:26,796 --> 01:31:29,698
# What a beautiful life #
1397
01:31:29,766 --> 01:31:32,335
# Yes, it is #
1398
01:31:32,402 --> 01:31:34,536
# Oh #
1399
01:31:36,940 --> 01:31:39,442
# [ Acoustic Guitar: Alt Folk ]
1400
01:31:53,790 --> 01:31:57,126
[ Man ] # Still tryin' to
figure out what went wrong #
1401
01:31:59,262 --> 01:32:03,599
# Thought we'd last forever
'cause we seemed so strong #
1402
01:32:03,666 --> 01:32:07,236
# Singin' I love you #
1403
01:32:07,304 --> 01:32:09,238
# Felt so right #
1404
01:32:09,306 --> 01:32:13,842
# Now I lie awake
so many lonely nights #
1405
01:32:15,778 --> 01:32:19,681
# Everyplace I go
and everything I see #
1406
01:32:21,618 --> 01:32:25,754
# Reminds me of you
and how we used to be #
1407
01:32:25,822 --> 01:32:31,193
# You took more than my heart
when you ran from me #
1408
01:32:31,261 --> 01:32:36,732
# So please give me back
New York City #
1409
01:32:36,799 --> 01:32:40,869
# You ruined airplane flights
and N.Y.C. #
1410
01:32:40,937 --> 01:32:43,572
# Bubble baths
and some sweet tea #
1411
01:32:43,640 --> 01:32:46,275
# I can't swim
I can't barbecue #
1412
01:32:46,343 --> 01:32:49,178
# Green-eyed girls
now make me blue #
1413
01:32:49,246 --> 01:32:53,416
# Butterfly kisses
fly away from me #
1414
01:32:53,483 --> 01:32:55,951
# 'Cause I left my heart #
1415
01:32:56,019 --> 01:32:58,721
[ Chorus ]
# 'Cause I left my heart #
1416
01:32:58,788 --> 01:33:01,024
# 'Cause you broke my heart #
1417
01:33:01,091 --> 01:33:05,194
# 'Cause you broke my heart #
1418
01:33:06,963 --> 01:33:12,334
# In New York City #
1419
01:33:12,402 --> 01:33:16,772
# New York City #
1420
01:33:16,773 --> 01:33:17,773
Subtitles by LeapinLar